Excuses

I didn't make it to play group.

Gemma was up until 2 a.m. She is usually asleep by 10 p.m.

Sorry.

I didn't make it to the play date I was supposed to go to last week either, my sister was in town.

Sorry.

The week before that...

I am pretty sure I had the sniffles.

or...

I needed to go shopping.

or...

It completely slipped my mind.

I had some excuse. And it was a good one. I promise.

I always have an excuse. In fact, in the past 6 months, since I have joined a mom's group I have made it to a whopping total of 3 events. I think all of which were in the first 3 months.  The time when an excuse would seem more valid.

In reflecting on this pattern that I have created, I wonder, what am I avoiding?

I know there is the usual awkwardness associated with new social situations, but that can't be it. Like I said I have  made it 3 times. Of course it is a little uncomfortable, but nothing worth staying home about.

Yet, I do. Time after time after time...

Am I avoiding facing myself as mother? Accepting that this is my new social circle? Could I be clinging to the life I left behind a bit? Is there a sadness that I am really back in my home town?

Where is my motivation?

I think the most confusing part of this, is the the one thing that I am terribly unhappy with in my life is my lack of a strong social circle. Everything else is okay for now, but that part of me aches.

What is up with all of these excuses?