I Am Currently Obsessed With...

Looking at baby bathing suits.

They may be the cutest thing. Ever.

And you can trust me on that...I've got a lot of cute in my life.

Here are 3 that I just found on Amazon, all from Le Top.

Too

Frickin'

Cute

Motherhood has made me so...squishy.

Which suit is your favorite? Do you have links to any other cute ones out there? 

I am sure it will be at least a month or two before I buy one, but until then, I want to OD on cuteness and daydream of warmer days =)

Happy 7 Months (and 3 Days) Gemma!

Her Day Look

Her Evening Look

My sweet cheeks, look at you!

You are 7 months old, can you believe it?

March has been a great month. I am not sure that there is anything that stands out for me, but I do think that we really have settled in to our new routine (with me working) quite nicely.

You are such a happy natured baby. We get stopped in stores by people asking is she always this happy? My heart swells with pride as I tell them yes. Of course, that is a lie, you have your moments too, but why spoil the illusion. And most of the time, you are that happy.

You have tried all kinds of new foods this month . I think we have successfully conquered the entire shelf of single item fruit and veggie purees. Your favorites are clearly squash and sweet potato and you really seemed to like prunes as well. You eat pretty well for me, but you eat better for your Great Great Grandmother who is much more patient than I am, and you also eat better for your sitter who I think gives you a little more than fruit and veggie purees (ay yi yi!)

You are becoming more and more mobile this month, and showing signs of wanting to crawl. For the longest time, I wasn't sure you were interested in moving. Maybe you were not then, but you are interested now. You are not quite crawling yet, and for that I am very thankful.

You also are sitting up some. Each day you seem to be sitting stronger and longer and I can tell you really enjoy seeing the world from this perspective. I don't blame you, I bet the ceiling gets old pretty fast.

Your little toofers (did I really just type that?) teeth have popped through. They haven't completely emerged but you can see them well...I have yet to catch their toothy-ness on camera.

You had your 6 month appoinment in March and you weighed 16 pounds and 5 ounces (or was it half an ounce? I don't completely remember!) and you were 27.77 inches long. Tall and skinny(-ish). You wear 6-9 month clothing and size 3 diapers.

Your hair is growing. I got a few less comments on having a bald baby this month. Thank goodness. I thought I was going to have to smack someone.

Your eyes are still mostly brown with a little blue.

Each month I spend with you makes me more excited for the next.

I love you chicken nugget,

Mama

Hydroplaning

My weekend off was...meh?

I spent Saturday with my grandparents. Cool, right?

On Sunday, my mom kept Gemma while I went to get my hair cut and get a pedicure with her girlfriend (yes, I mean girlfriend like that.)

After I ate dinner (homemade pizza, yum!), I packed Gem's up, and off we went. It had just started raining and it was really coming down. I hesitated at the end of the driveway, but it was already getting late, and I didn't want to get stuck on the mountain, so I went for it.

As soon as I pulled out of the driveway, I knew I had made a mistake. I literally felt like I was floating down the road.

I was scared. The first little bit of the drive is a set of S curves down the mountain and I literally felt like I had no control. I tried to pull into a driveway, I could tell I wasn't going to make it, and steadied the wheel.

Although this entire incident probably lasted a couple minutes at best, my anxiety grew and grew.

I knew at this point that the roads were dangerous and that I had to turn around, so at the next driveway I turned, but missed the driveway. Instead, I hydroplaned past the turn and my Jeep popped up the embankment and into someone's yard, stopping within a couple feet of a tree.

I panicked at this point, and searched for my phone, which had no service.

Of course it didn't.

I tried pulling out of the yard, but my Jeep didn't want to move. I contemplated running to the house of whoevers yard I had just destroyed, but I didn't like my options of leaving Gemma in the Jeep or carrying her to a strangers door in the pounding rain, so  I decided to try one more time to gun it, and luckily made it back on the road.

I don't remember driving back to my mom's house, I just remember that it was tense. I pulled into the driveway and hopped out of the car which was smoking (I later concluded that it was only steam from the cold rain on the hot car parts), and yanked Gemma's carseat out of the backseat like I was the hero in an action movie.

Over-the-Top? Yes, but I was completely shaken at this point.

I needed to protect my baby.

I went back to my mom's house, and decided to stay the night there. The major downside there, is currently, that entire side of my family lives together (literally, 12 people. Thanks, recession) so Gemma and I were relegated to sleeping on the couch together.

That was fun. First, I had to figure out how to get her to go to sleep, when she is used to nursing to sleep while laying in bed. (I know, that sucks, but that is another post for another time...)  Then, I wasn't sure what the safest way to sleep would be so I kept moving and occasionally waking her up. When I finally passed out, she was in the crook of my arm on the inside of the couch (does that make sense.) I had been worried that if we fell asleep that way I would smoosh her, but luckily, there was no smooshing, and all was well.

I made it back home at 1:00 p.m. today.

What a mess.

 At least we are safe.

Getting to Know ME Three

Once again, I am participating in Getting to Know You at the MannLand5. Check it out! If you stopped by from Getting to Know You, welcome!

If you want to participate too, copy the questions, post your own answers, and link up at the MannLand5.

And now, for this week's questions!

1 - Why did you start blogging?

I had read a few blogs and thought, "hey, I can do that!" Also, it was hot, I was very pregnant, and very bored, and for some reason I wanted to remember all of that.

2 - Who's the one blog friend that you would want to meet most in "real life"?

Oooh! That is a tough one... but I don't like picking favorites, so I am not gonna. That makes it a lot less hard.

3 - Why are you always concerned with losing that "extra 10 pounds" when chances are your husband/boyfriend/friends tell you that you look just fine the way you are?

 Well friends just want you to get fat so they look better in comparison. Not really. (Most of) My friends aren't like that. Uhm, I guess because we are always our own toughest critic, while those who love us, usually see us in the best light.

4 - What's the one thing you wish guys could understand about you?

I don't have anything! I enjoy a little new mystery, and in a new relationship, I think figuring each other out is the fun part.

5 - Tattoos. How many do you have and how many are visible when you wear your "everyday" clothes?

I have three. I have a set of little teeny lady bugs on my foot, that you can see in a lot of shoes that I wear. I have a lotus flower on my back of the neck area, and if my hair is up and I am wearing a tee shirt you can kinda see it. I have a huge hummingbird with flowers on my hip, and you can't see that, considering my "everyday" clothes are not belly shirts and bikinis.

6 - What was the best year of your life and why?

So far, every year has had its ups and down. I am having a good feeling about 2011 though =)


7 - Name three things you would do if you were a man for one day.

1. Open lots and lots of pickle jars.
2. Drive really fast.
3. Fix stuff?!?!

8 - What's your alcoholic drink of choice that usually raises a few eyebrows?

I haven't drank, in Lord knows how long, but before getting pregnant I was a party animal. I remember mixing shots of vodka in beer, when I wanted something "strong" but didn't want to take shots. Classy, right?

So, that's it!

Enjoy the rest of your weekend y'all!

9 Bullet Points

• I 'fessed up to who I was referring to in my last post.
• I am off this weekend, which makes me pretty happy. I am trying not to dwell on the fact that it was 70 degrees last weekend (while I worked) and will be a full 15-20 degrees cooler this weekend.
• Gemma turns 7 months tomorrow. Seriously.
• I currently do not know where my phone charger or my camera are. Ugh. Please don't be lost.
• I always think I have lost things, and then I find them some place random.
• I am hoping the bullet point above doesn't jinx me.
• Only 26 more minutes until my weekend starts.
• The other day, I was driving home from work, and from somewhere I got the thought that it would be perfect if I could meet and fall in love with and get engaged to someone named Bobby. Then I could change the name of this blog to "And Bobby Makes Three." I could list the things wrong with this, but I just...won't.
• Enjoy your weekend!

I Don't Like You... But I Read Your Blog.

So, there is this one blogger.

I follow her, but she doesn't follow me, and I am sure she has never even seen this blog.

But I read hers. Almost every post she writes.

And the things is...I can not stand her.

Almost everthing she says, I kind of want to roll my eyes at. I don't relate to what she writes. I don't think she has good taste. She generally leaves a bad taste in my mouth.

So why in the H-E-double hockey sticks, do I read her blog?

I can't figure it out either.

Are there any blogs that you read, where you don't like the blogger? Am I the only senseless one?

Money, Money, Money

Before I got my job, I didn't spend a whole lot of time thinking about money. I was so broke, I couldn't even afford to think about money.

That's pretty broke.

Through a series of showers, holidays, and a few lucky breaks (and to be honest, a little help from my dad) I was able to take care of mine and Gemma's needs. Special treats were far and few between. Occasionally, I would be able to pick up a cheap sleeper from the clearance section at Target or a bite off of the dollar menu, but mostly, I spent nothing.

Surprisingly, I was fine with that. I got used to not spending money, so it wasn't really an issue, is just...was.

Does that make sense?

And then I got my job.

Luckily. I needed the job. I needed to be working. I wanted a job and I wanted to be working.

but

All of a sudden, money has become an issue again.

Save, spend, pay-off...There is a new huge stressor in my life.

I am challenged with decisions regarding what to pay and when (when, the money simply wasn't there before.)

I am challenged with deciding what thing that I need I should buy first (when, strangely enough, I didn't have those needs before.)

I am challenged with controlling Starbucks, and online shopping, and convenience food habits (when I had no bad money habits before.)

I will be honest in saying I am not good with money. I have a bit of debt, some of which I have no idea where it came from. I have no savings at all. I really like stuff.

But once again, motherhood is forcing me to want better for myself, to do better for myself. I want to get this money stuff straight, and will.

But for now, thinking about it makes my head hurt.

And baby sunglasses are totally a need right?

Ay yi yi!

What's your financial philosophy? And do you think I am totally tacky for discussing money here?

Top 2 Tuesday

I am particpating in Top 2 Tuesday at the Undomestic Mama today, so if you are coming from over there welcome! And if you haven't checked it out yet, click on over!

Today's Top 2 Tuesday topic, is things you can't live without...

I am totally tempted to cheat, and say friends and family (no offense if you said friends and family, *cough* cheater *cough), but those are kind of a given so instead I choose...

1. Iced Caramel Macchiato at Starbucks.

Yum. Mama needs caffeine. And sugar. When I am at my most tired and my most bummed, I head over to Target, grab one of these beauties from their Starbucks, and browse. By the time I leave I am a happier woman. No joke.

2. DVR.

I know, I know. TV is lame. It makes you fat and stupid and boring. When I was still in school I was totally the, "I'm too busy for TV," type. But now, I don't know what I would do with out it. The DVR is imperative because how else would I watch with a crazy work schedule and an even crazier baby. The shows I watch help me still feel connected to the world, while I temporarily don't feel like a part of anything, besides being Gemma's mom. I am busy now, but it is a new kind of stuck-at-the-house-every-night-even-Saturday busy, so TV has been a huge lifesaver for me.

Runners Up: Mascara, Target Shoes, Online Shopping, Pepsi, the Internet, and Friends and Family.

I WANTED Change.

Thanks Obama!

Random Acts of Cuteness

`

Getting to Know ME Two

I had so much fun with the MannLand5's, "Getting to Know You," last week, I thought I would participate again.  But lazy bones style, because it has been a looong weekend...

In case you forgot how it works, just copy the questions and write your answers.

Easy Peasy :)

1. What year did you graduate high school?

(seriously, I couldn't find a graphic better than that?)

2. What part of your body do you neglect the most?

(shave, shmave)

3. Beach house or Lake house?

(a girl can dream)

4.Mac or PC?

(this is similar to what I have, but can you really be anti-Mac?)

5. Did you wear braces?

(nope, but I probably should have)

6. If you could be one person for a day..living or deceased..who would you be?

(the closest thing to divinity on earth)

7. How many times have you moved in your life?

(not really, but we moved a LOT when I was a kid)

8. Would you rather cook or clean?

(mmhmm...meattt...)

Suh-Weet!

I wanted to say THANK YOU to Erin at The Bailey Family for awarding me this sweet (get it?) award

This award asks that you list 7 things about yourself and give the award to 7 other bloggers.

I am sort of stuck on other bloggers, I have given most of my favorites awards already, but I am in desperate need of new blogs to read so I ask that you suggest other blogs that I (along with anyone who reads this blog) should be reading. I am on the computer alot at work, so your suggestions are appreciated! And don't be afraid to suggest your own blog, if I do not already read it!(Does that sound self important at all? I totally don't mean for it too!)

And 7 Things about Myself...

1. There are 3 bottles of Holy Water in my work desk.
2. My first peek into the blog world was through a food blog. I love food...I even enjoy reading menus. Strange, right?
3. I think my iPhone (R.I.P.) may have been my soul mate.
4. Three things I really want right now: an SLR camera, a new mattress, and a kitten.
5. I have 3 tattoos.
6. Once, I went into business selling colored pencil shavings on the playground.
7. I spend a bajillion hours a week browsing Etsy at work. I am obsessed. I could spend major money. Usually, I email myself links to stuff I like. I just realized you could favorite items and shops, literally, today!

Uhm...Creepy?

I was trolling Etsy, as I tend to do, and I found this.

It is a baby headband that is supposed to be used as a garter on little one's wedding day. Or maybe vice versa, it is a garter that is supposed to be used as a baby headband.

Adding to the bizzare factor, it comes in a bedazzled lilac-colored takeout box and has a printed poem with it.

Sooo strange. Or is it just me?

What do you think...cutesy or creepy?

March of Dimes

Hey Y'all!

I hope you all are starting your weekends already! Or better yet, I hope you are reading this on Monday, after you had a fabulous weekend.

Unfortunately for me, this is the weekend that I work, so tonight I am here (at work...was that obvious or not? I couldn't tell :) ) until 9 and then back in at 8 in the morning. I am slightly jealous that when I was off last weekend there were torrential downpours. Such is life, I guess and now that spring is here I am sure there are many more beautful weekends to come, so no worries.

I will be updating more later on with an award given to me by the lovely Erin at The Bailey Family and some super sweet new pictures of Gems, but for now, I am here to ask you for your money.

Seriously.

I have decided to participate in the March of Dimes for the first time. To be honest, I was never really sure what the March of Dimes was about but both being a new mom and a new blogger has opened my eyes and my heart to the the cause of prematurity and healthy babies. I can't find the words to express all of the things I wish for mothers of premature healthy babies. Participating in this walk to me is my own small way of acting on how I feel, when words (or at least, my less than articulate ones) will not suffice.

Back to the asking you for money thing! If you look on the left side of this page, right under the about me, I have a widget, where you can donate money for me to walk. I am setting my sights fairly low, at a number I feel comfortable matching, if I do not raise anything at all and even the smallest donation helps. If you can't donate, I obviously completely understand, and thank you for reading this anyway!  It definitely feels strange asking y'all for money (my backspace got a work out with this one), but I figured it never hurts to ask.

Enjoy the rest of your weekend (or Monday) and if you have it to give, please donate money.

For the babies. =)

Drama Queen

I must confess,yesterday, I was being a bit of a drama queen.

I have been sick the past few days, and yesterday it kind of peaked. My ear hurt, my head hurt, my face hurt. I was hungry and stuck at work and missing my baby.

I was drained and grumpy, but I was also thinking about how much of what I write is negative and how altogether, I do not feel negative about my life, but still I wanted to post something...

(addicted to blogging much?)

But nothing nice was coming to mind. So I took some sage advice from my good ol' friend Thumper.

Honestly, I think I was only down in that moment. Well, in those last few hours at work, but in general, life is good.

I have started going to the gym. And by started, I mean I have been 4 times since I joined on the first of this month, but today was my second day in a row. I was waiting to go until I met with the trainer because me in a gym is like...a Preacher in a bar. A cow in a pickup truck. Bill Gates in Target.

A totally unnatural fit.

So after my perky trainer Vivianne (who is a grandmother and about a billion times fitter than I) showed me the ropes, I feel a so much better about going...I am crossing my fingers, so far (all two days) I feel great!

I am happy about the sunshine. I am happy my dad is returning from his business trip. I am happy about the full length mirror I bought today...

I am happy about a lot of things.

I have been saying for a long time that I am going to think more positively, so here's to that, and I am (optimistically) thinking I really will start doing it.

END POST

If you read my post on Tuesday, I said I was gonna write out what I eat each day, as a tool of accountability for myself. If you are interested, of course, read ahead! If not...enjoy your evening =)

Wednesday 3/17 (Food was not consumed in this order)

• 2 Glasses of Chocolate Milk
• 1 Medium Coke
• 4-6 Glasses of Water
• Grilled Chicken Ceasar Salad from McDonalds
• Half a Pack of Apple Dippers
• 1 Fun Size Butterfinger and 1 Small Reese Cup
• 1 Frozen Veggies and Pasta
• 2 (yikes) Cheddar Stuffed Jalapeno Pretzels
• 1 Handful of Mixed Nuts

Thursday 3/18 (as of  6 p.m.)

• 1 Glass of Chocolate Milk
• 2 Glasses of Water
• 1 Grocery Store Salad Bar Salad
• 1 Small Bowl of Rice Pudding
• 2 Fun Size Butterfingers and 1 Small Reese Cup

If You Can't Say Something Nice, Don't Say Anything At All

Three Things Tuesday

Last week,  I "announced" (in quotations, because that word kinda makes it seem like a bigger deal than it really is) that I am going to do a weekly goal setting post, for personal motivation.

My three goals of last week were:

1.I will not drink any soda .

2.I will clean my room.
3.I will give myself a manicure and pedicure.

How did it go?

Pretty well acually.

I managed to not drink any soda at all, and after a day or two, it wasn't that hard. This may not seem like a big deal to many of you, but for my fellow adicts, I am sure you understand how this wasn't as easy task. But, I did it!

I celebrated my accomplishment today with a 20oz bottle of Pepsi that I couldn't taste at all, due to some sinus/allergy something-or-other, that has rendered my tastebuds useless. Victory was not so sweet this time. Oh well, maybe not having been able to taste it will make it easier to get back on the wagon.(so to speak.)

(Sidenote: This is the very first time I have ever completely lost my sense of taste. It is awful. It has only been two meals and I miss food already. I always thought that when others has complained of loss taste, is was lessened taste, which I have experienced before, I didn't know it was even possible to not be able to taste at all. I guess you learn something new every day.)

My room got cleaned too! I had taken pictures but due to camera issues, I don't have any to post. That is probably okay though, because in light of Gemma's bed diving incident, I took my bed off of it's frame and I also took the desk out of the room to give us some more space so now my bedroom looks kind of...pitiful.

But tidy, so I guess it is an improvement none-the-less.

Sadly, I failed with my third goal, of the diy (or dim I guess) pedicure and manicure. I never found the time. O,  never made the time rather. I don't think it is my "thing" anyway, ya know? I would rather pay someone else attend to those sorts of things. <---- Quite possible the most diva-ish thing you will ever see on this blog.

I have decided to re-work this goal, and I am promising myself a manicure and pedicure (from a salon) after I lose 10 pounds. It gives me motivation to lose the weight, and I think that the self indulgence was my intention for setting the goal, and a "real" manicure and pedicure will be much more self indulgent, anway. 

Overall, I am pleased. As they say, two outta three ain't bad. Although, I really am gonna try to reach all three of my goals for next week.

What goals, you ask?

For next week:

1. I will wake up every morning by 8:00 a.m.
2. I will write down everything I eat or drink, and post about it here.
3. I will buy myself an article of clothing.

Wish me luck!

Excuses

I didn't make it to play group.

Gemma was up until 2 a.m. She is usually asleep by 10 p.m.

Sorry.

I didn't make it to the play date I was supposed to go to last week either, my sister was in town.

Sorry.

The week before that...

I am pretty sure I had the sniffles.

or...

I needed to go shopping.

or...

It completely slipped my mind.

I had some excuse. And it was a good one. I promise.

I always have an excuse. In fact, in the past 6 months, since I have joined a mom's group I have made it to a whopping total of 3 events. I think all of which were in the first 3 months.  The time when an excuse would seem more valid.

In reflecting on this pattern that I have created, I wonder, what am I avoiding?

I know there is the usual awkwardness associated with new social situations, but that can't be it. Like I said I have  made it 3 times. Of course it is a little uncomfortable, but nothing worth staying home about.

Yet, I do. Time after time after time...

Am I avoiding facing myself as mother? Accepting that this is my new social circle? Could I be clinging to the life I left behind a bit? Is there a sadness that I am really back in my home town?

Where is my motivation?

I think the most confusing part of this, is the the one thing that I am terribly unhappy with in my life is my lack of a strong social circle. Everything else is okay for now, but that part of me aches.

What is up with all of these excuses?

Get to Know ME

I randomly stumbled upon a post from a blog that I had followed, but haven't really gotten the chance to read yet, and it looked like leisurely fun (a perfect fit for a lazy Sunday), so I thought I would participate.

If you want to play along, check out Keely at MannLand5, for Getting to Know YOU.

It's super simple, just copy the questions and type in your answers. Like the old MySpace surveys. Remember those?

Anywho, here are 8 questions to help you get to know me...Just a little bit better!

1. What's your favorite Easter candy?

I kinda like the gum that comes in an egg carton. One of the flavors, I am not sure what it is...only that it might be purple...is so GOOD. And there is nothing like it during other times of the year.

2. Who do you think is cleaner..men or women?

Hmm. As an ex-RA (resident assistant) I have a lot of experience snooping around others rooms. (Well, I never snooped, but they did have us do health and safety checks of each dorm room while residents were on break) I would say that I think that men are usually at each side of the spectrum... they are the most clean as well as the nastiest, where as women are usually in the middle. There were some men's rooms where I would eat off of the floor and others where I was afraid to enter. Girls usually have more stuff, which disqualifies them from the neatest end of the spectrum but they usually are not DIRTY the way guys can be...If course there are always exceptions.

Did I over think that one just a bit ? ;)

3. Which do you prefer..wordy blog posts or ones with pictures?

I think it depends on the strengths of the blogger. I enjoy writing from better writers and pictures from better photographers. I think the PERFECT post is about a balance between the two.

4. Were you popular in highschool?

Nope...I was more of the rebellious type. 

5. What's your bra size?

I wish I knew. Pre-Gemma, I was a solid 34 B, but after pregnancy and nursing and everything else...I have NO clue.

6. How many states have you lived in?

1, just Virginia.

7. What's one blog you read every day?

Hmm...I don't think I have one.  I am exploring new ones recently. Does anyone have any suggestions?

8. Peanut butter or Nutella?

It depends. I think Nutella is  a more decadent dessert/snack option but peanut butter would be more suitable as breakfast or lunch...at least if you were gonna tell anybody about it!

Hope you all are enjoying Sunday as well, I am off to eat a balanced dinner of McDonalds fries and Chicken nuggets. FYI, the Sweet Chili sauce is GOOD.

P.S. Please don't judge me for the way I eat! =)

P.P.S. Also, don't judge me for using emoticons! It is better than LOL'ing...right?

Mommy Blogger

Remember the new job I told you about? The receptionist position? I know I have mentioned it before...

Well, as it turns out, most of the time, all a receptionist does is sit around and wait for the phone to ring. I have a few other job responsibilities (putting together the newsletter, typing menus, and other projects as asked...) but a lot of my time is spent waiting. Luckily, I have internet access, but after a scary night where a visit to People of Walmart .com left office computer going crazy, I have been very nervous to scour the depths of the internet.

Instead, I have been reading blogs. Like really reading blogs, in chronological post order (from blog inception to present time). Sometimes, my head will hurt and my mind will wander and then I will scope out a few other blogs and then return to the one that I am "working" on. (Tough, right?)

As I have had more time to explore the blog world (Or blogosphere as the cool kids are calling it. Or maybe the cool kids once called it that, but don't anymore. I am sure they are on to something else now...) I have seen this phrase over and over again...

Mommy Blogger

If when saying that out loud you are wrinkling your nose and acting as if you are spitting out something that tastes bad, then you are reading it they way that I do. It is the same tone and expression used when a teenager is asked to shop at Walmart or when Tim Gunn speaks of the Kardashians.

Taq-ee!

I had heard the phrase before, and I knew it wasn't a great thing but the more I read it, the more I started to feel...embarassed. For what this blog is, for what I write about.

This blog, that has been a place for me to share the most powerful experiences of my life, is silly and inconsequential and...mockable, even.

My cheeks turn pink at the thought.

(Note: I realize that my teeny, tiny blog with its teeny tiny ((but appreciated and loved)) readership isn't exactly a big deal, or even a deal at all, but still...I was/maybe still am embarassed.)

So the more I have felt the embarassment, the more I have thought about what I write about.

Gemma mostly.

And some on the experience of what motherhood has been like for me and some about what it is like to be a mom under my unique circumstances (the whole single, baby daddy not involved, living back home and trying to figure it all out thing...)

In thinking of this, I reaffimed to myself that yes, I am totally a Mommy Blogger.

So I began thinking, I definitely don't want this label attached to me, this word that is spat out, so what else should I write about?

The thing is, I couldn't think of much.

This REALLY bothers me.

Not because of blogging, but because I realized I have become a mom and...

a mom and...

a mom and...?

So all of these thoughs, on blogging, and being, and mommy blogging, and identity swoosh around and then I realize...

Something has to change. I need a fuller (more bloggable) life.

As much as I love my dear sweet baby, if she is the only thing in my life I find interesting then I have a problem.

A big problem.

So tonight (sitting at work, sucking a cherry Jolly Rancher, and waiting for the phone to ring,) I vow to live a life I find more interesting.

More full.

More passionate.

More fun.

More beautiful.

More bloggable.

Maybe then, when I hear the term Mommy Blogger I can smile and confidently say...

"I am so much more than that"

(Not that that is a bad thing!)

Fall

I have crossed yet another motherhood milestone off of my list, and to be honest, it was one that I was hoping to avoid.

We had our first accident.

Gemma is okay, thank God, but she was in pain and it is kinda my fault, so of course I feel terrible.

So, since I took my LSAT in December, Gemma and I have been co-sleeping. I wouldn't describe the situation as ideal, but I certainly haven't hated the situation. She gets plenty of sleep, I get plenty of sleep, and the snuggles are kind of nice.

Do you have any idea where this is going yet?

Like, I was saying, we have been co-sleeping because it works for us, but somehow, Gemma fell out of bed, the night before last, face first, on to the hardwood floor. I was half asleep when it happened and I jumped out of bed to soothe my crying baby. I picked her  up, and rocked her, and after a few minutes of crying she calmed down.

On careful inspection she seemed fine (...and she was, I think that sentence may sound like she wasn't.). I was still terribly nervous about the entire situation so I stayed up and watched her sleep, and built a fortress of pillows around us, and I held her tight.

Eventually, we fell back asleep, but as soon as I woke up I KNEW something has to be done.I don't want anything like that to ever happen to my baby again.

Have I mentioned I feel awful?

I took my mattress of the frame last night, and I am going to start to transition her into a crib tomorrow night (Friday is easier, because my dad doesn't have to work the next day, and his room is right across from ours).

Any tips? I already know that I am uncomfortable with a "strict" Cry-It-Out regimen, but I realize there will probably be tears involved, no matter what I do.

Have you tried anything that works? I am open to any and all suggestions right now.

I am really anxious to begin this whole process. In the past, it has felt impossible, but now that I know in order to keep her safe, it must be done.

But how? Can she do it? Am I being mean? Where do I start? How long will it take?

Like I said, parenting milestones I would have hoped to avoid...

Three Things Tuesday

I have been thinking lately...

I love myself...who I REALLY am...

But there are a lot of things (mostly, but not all, are pretty superficial) that I am totally unhappy with.

Like everyone else right? I know I am not unique in that. I also know I am not unique when I think, "One day I will...", but then don't. Ever.

So, I have decided, instead of a list of goals a million miles long, every Tuesday I will post 3 things I will do or work on doing in the next week. I don't want to over complicate it, and make it too hard on myself, or too overwhelming, so it really is gonna be that simple.

3 goals. They can relate to anything. I will post on Tuesday.

Starting next Tuesday, I will also post a small update on how the 3 goals went and make 3 new ones.

Hopefully this will allow for some goal setting and frequent accountability.

For this week, my 3 things are...

1. I will not drink any soda .
2. I will clean my room.
3. I will give myself a manicure and pedicure.

Check back next week to see how I did :)

And check back tomorrow to hear all about my return to the gym and Gemma's 6 month appointment (riveting stuff, I promise!)

Best,

Kacie

P.S. Yes, I realize Three Things Thursday would sound MUCH better but...I don't wanna wait until Thursday, and I could drop the whole Three Things bit, but doesn't EVERY respectable blogger need some sort of an alliterative day?

Top 2 Tuesday

 

 

You may or may not know this about me, but I LOVE a good baby name... I love thinking about how a name will grow with a child, how the name will introduce them into the world, and how it would feel to be someone named...

So when I was browsing blogs and found this blog hop from The Undomestic Mama, I had to join in. The girl names are easy for me, while I have to think harder with the boys. I came up with the PERFECT boys name the other day, but I have totally forgotten it already.

Darn it. 

So as of this very moment, my top two names for each gender:

Girl Names 

Isla Kate

Honor Elizabeth 

Boy Names

Asher 

Oscar

Hmm...so maybe I am not for sure on the boys names, but those are two I like for sure. 

But maybe not love.

Oh well, I PROMISE there will be plenty of time before I have to worry about choosing any more baby names, boy or girl!

So my friends...what are your favorite names?

I Love You But...

Have you ever noticed that when a mom has something not so nice to say about her little one, they almost alway preface their statement with I love you but...

This gets to me, because obviously, any  person would not be happy that their toddler has NEVER slept through the night or that their little one with newfound teeth (like somebody I know) likes to chomp on their face (and the face of others) whenever they get the chance. (Again, like somebody I know) And while these annoyances are...well, annoying... nobody is going to think for a second that talking about how annoyed you are affects the love you have for your child. So, I love (him/her/them/you) buts...are pointless.

But...

I do it too.

Because, I mean, I don't want anyone to think I don't love my kid and stuff.

So even thought I do not love I love you buts...

Here are a few I have for this girl:

(Who isn't wearing pants.)

(Again, Obviously.)

Gemma, I love you but...

• Please stop trying to eat your dirty diaper while I am putting the new one on. Eww. It's gross.
• Please take your hands out of your mouth while I am feeding you. Sticky icky baby food, mixed with slobber and then stuck in between teen tiny baby fingers, is...gross.
• While we are on the subject of eating, will you please just let me handle the spoon? I've got it, I promise!
• Please play with one of the random 900 toys that belongs to you that is scattered throughout the house instead of random (and potentially dangerous) items, such as laptop cords, coat hangers, and plastic bags. (Now I know why plastic bags come with that warning.)
• Please stop biting mommy in the face. Pre-tooth, it was kinda funny, now...it is is kinda painful.

 The moral of this story  blogpost, is to watch what goes in your mouth. Please. And a quick cheat sheet, in case you forget.

Diapers (In Your Mouth) = Ewww

Food + Hands (In Your Mouth) = Double Eww

(Please Let Mama Use the Spoon)

Laptop Cords or Coat Hangers or Plastic Bags (Im Your Mouth) =Dangerous

Mama's Face (In Your Mouth)=Ouch

Hope that Helps.

Love (with no buts...),

Mama

Unfollowed

To the person who recently decided to quit following me...

BOO! (not a surprise boo, but a bratty and indignant boo)

Not that you are reading.

03/03/10

Today was a good day.

I cleaned the kitchen.
I washed laundry.
I baked cookies.

And still, I managed to feel connected to my baby. I was able to cuddle her, and love her, and drink her in. Even when she wasn't in my arms I was able to feel present with her in a way that I usually don't when I am busy.

I felt like we were together.

Am I making any sense?

Part of the trials of being a single mom is that you don't get  much time to just be with your child. Even in the same room there can be a disconnect. Actually, I find this to be true of most mothers, but I do think that it can be even harder  for single moms because there never someone else to fold the clothes, to the wash dishes, to run to the store...Of course sometimes you get lucky and someone is willing to help, but at end of the day the responsibility is yours and yours alone.


And as much as it doesn't sound like it right now, I am okay with that. I am okay with doing it myself. Choices that I made played a roll in me getting to where I am in life and I own those choices. And I am happy about my choices.

I love my choice more than I ever thought I would.

But...

So often, I find myself putting Gemma in the excersaucer while I do the wash, or lay her in her crib while I get ready for work, and don't even get me started on leaving her at the babysitter. Beyond the physical busyness, my head is constantly swirling with thoughts and emotions and what was and what is next.  I spend as much time as I can with her, and I really try to be present, but still it doesn't feel like enough.

My heart hurts.

But today. Today was different. I got things done but in a way where I felt comfortable. I felt like we were doing it together.

I am not sure what was different, and I don't think I did the best job of explaining it here. But it was nice.

Really nice.

And I hope it was a sign of things to come...

Happy 6 Months (and two days) Gemma!

So it is time again to celebrate another month birthday with my Gemma Bean.

She is pretty excited about it, can't you tell?

(Can you also tell that I was too lazy to completely clear off my messy bed before snapping her pictures?!?)

                                      

February has been an awfully big month for us. I started working which means you started spending many hours a week at a babysitter (and not with me). It hasn't been a fun adjustment to make, but after a few weeks and a multiple sitters I think we have found a situation that works for us both.

                                      

Not only did you start with a babysitter this month, but you also started eating solid food. You have had oatmeal, avocado, peas, green beans, sweet potato, and squash (in that order), so far, and you have enjoyed everything except the avocado. When I feed you, you get anxious for the next bite and kick and hum, and it is sweet and funny and crazy all at the same time. (That is kind of how I would describe you in general!)

                                    

In other big news, you are really showing off your rolling skills a lot more. You move like a wild woman and lunge at everything around you, as is evident by your pictures this month.

You also have had your first tooth cut through. I can feel its sharpness (especially when you attack my hands and face, as you do daily), but I can't quite see it yet. I am in no rush. I can't believe there are teeth already.

                                   

Sleep doesn't really seem like an issue anymore. We still sleep together and I am okay with that. You don't wake much in the night, except for sometimes, if I am awake and tossing and turning. You take short naps during the day, and I have just come to expect/accept this of you.

We haven't been to your 6 month appointment yet, so I have no idea what you weigh. You are definitely getting bigger and looonger. You still have a couple tiny onesies floating around but I am starting to put you in mostly 6-9 months clothing and it fits well. Some of what you wear is 3-6 months, but I doubt that lasts longer. I love seeing you grow up and I am always excited for the stage that we are in, but for some reason it is putting away the clothes that gets me all sentimental.

Your diapers are still size 2.

Your bald patch has began to fill out a little and your  hair is getting longer and it is very wispy. It is especially long on the top. I am not quite sure what color it is. Your eyes are strange too, mostly brown but not completely still. Very mysterious looking ;)

You are a happy, loving, silly, smushy, loud, funny, adorable, cuddly, baby and I am loving getting to know you more and more each month. I love you in a way that words could never do justice and I will forever be lucky to have you in my life.

                                

Thanks for choosing me,

Mama