I Want...

to be better

to  be more patient

to be stronger

to be prettier

to be more brave

to be more resolute

to be able to "go for it"

to be enough

to be over the hump

I want to be my best self.

For my daughter and myself.

I want to fix it all.

The Day After Christmas

I didn't think I was in a  post-Christmas-funk , until this evening when I became the grumpiest grump that ever lived. I refuse to believe that it has anything to do with my winning personality, so post-Christmas-funk it is.

Not me.

For realz.

Oh, and Gemma has been possessed by a demon,

I hear, "I'm Hungry!" (pronounced Ahh'm Houwngreee) eight hundred and seventy five thousand times a day. Most of the time she doesn't eat anything she is just bored. Or pushing buttons. Or both. But very rarely hungry.

Here she really was hungry:

Here too:

Here, not so much:

Thank God for Dora. She is basically co-parenting at this point. Well, not really, but Dora helps me get a little me time every now and again.

Of course, she doesn't watch enough t.v. for it to be bad, in case anyone was judging me.

Or, at least I hope not.

Dang, now I am judging myself.

Kind of like I judged myself when this happened:

What kind of mom gives their kid juice in bed? And then turns on the light while their angel sleeps and takes a crappy cell phone pic of it?

*I'm shamefully raising my hand.

I will leave you with 2 pieces of good news...

I got all A's this semester! 

Except for one was an A-, which nobody thought I deserved (the teacher and special instructor both thought I was doing "perfectly" and should have gotten an A) but somehow I still received. Grr...

and...I bought a kitchen table!

Which wouldn't be such exciting news if it weren't for the fact that Gemma and I have been eating picnic style on the floor since August when we moved to the new apartment.

Sooo...woo hoo...I guess. 

My good news made me annoyed again.

Oh well, it is totally just because it is the day after Christmas.

Tomorrow will be better fo sho.

Progress

Gemma was a Fairy for Halloween

Yes, I realize Halloween was 2 weeks ago. The blog world is sooo over Halloween right now.

Here is my little fairy (minus her cute head flower thing) in a not so great cell phone picture. 

Sorry folks. 

(For the Halloween stuff I mean)

I haven't gotten around to uploading the real pictures yet.

Maybe by December?

But I am blogging.

Progress!

The semester is finally winding down.

I mean, as long as you can count 2 more papers and 2 more presentations and 40 more hours of internship hours as winding down. 

More progress!

I feel like I am coming into myself more here. I know I have spoken about that at length before.

I have been reclaiming (and losing) parts of myself for the past 2 and a half years.

It's easy to lose yourself in your kids.

It's easy to lose yourself in your life.

But...

I am slowly making a comeback.

I am still not good about going "out" without Gemma.

I would have to find a babysitter.

And like, leave her with them.

Even though I already abandon her for 40 hours a week.

I am not quite ready for it.

But...

I am making friends!

Even MORE progress!

And in the past month I have cut my hair, bought myself some clothes, and other little things.

Things I am not so good at doing for myself.

I'd say that is progress too!

I think I made the right choice is coming here.

(Gemma just fell out of bed and I had to go save her. Totally unrelated, but thought I would share.)

So, as I was saying...

I think I did the right thing.

It was a step in the right direction.

I hope (and truly believe) that we will continue to make progress here.

It sure feels good to finally be moving forward.

Even though I guess I have been moving forward all along.

Hmmm...

The Latest

So, I should be working on a 10 page paper right now.

Or at least showering or cleaning or something.

But I am watching Jersey Shore and effing around on the internet.

I deserve it I think.

So...the latest...

Gemma is so big, beautiful, and bright. She has chunked up a little and weighs 24.5 pounds now. Which I know because I finally got her insurance straight down here. Hallelujah. She is talking so much. The other day she told me that she wanted to put makeup on her face. Seriously Gemma? I have no idea where she got that from because Lord knows I don't have time for makeup these days. 

(Who am I kidding...Lord knows I have never really worn makeup on regular basis.)

Class is going well. It is midterm and like I said I should be working on a 10 page paper that I have due on Tuesday. But I am not. I have 4 pages done already though so that is something, right?

I am interning at the foster agency still. For professional reasons I won't say much except that I love it and it breaks my heart at the same time.

Life here seems to be going well. We have settled in and I am figuring out where things are and how things work. It is exciting to be in  a new place (even if that new place isn't particularly exciting.)

I am headed home soon, which is exciting. 

Gemma doesn't have a Halloween costume yet.

Not so exciting.

I am blabbering now.

Eff it, I should at least tryyy to do a little more work.

Only 18 months to go.

Holla!

 :)

Gemma Turned Two

A little over a week ago.

I have no pictures and no heartfelt sentiments to share.

Except for I love her.

We are still making big changes around here. Not only has Gemma turned 2 but she has also been in hardcore potty training boot camp.

Not that hard core.

But we are working on it.

And making progress!

Classes are off to a nice, slow start.

Navigating the mountain roads in the dark or in bad weather makes me a bundle of nerves, but what else is new.

Life is okay.

I am a little lonely, but mostly good.

Happy labor day y'all!

Settled In

So Gems and I are settling into the new place quite well. I actually forgot how nice living on your own can be.

 Small things, like being able to eat cold chicken out of a Tupperware container, with my fingers, in the middle of the living room, while watching Project Runway without having to explain anything to anyone.

It's nice.

Gemma enjoys her space is proud of her room.

Even though she still sleeps in mine.

Go figure.

Here are a few quick pictures...

Checking out the cabinet space.

I had an errand to run on campus and of course brought Bam along.

We were going for a walk around our complex here. I love how she is holding her hands here.

This was tonight. That may or may not be cold chicken in her hand.

So, things are going well. Now that the boxes are (mostly) tossed out and I am (almost) completely settled in the new place I am starting to feel a teeny bit anxious about school. I am worried that it is going to be a lot. 

Buttt...

I have been taking this whole life change process one step at a time and everything has worked out so far.

I don't want to jinx myself but I am feeling...capable.

And settled in.

Less Than a Week!

Until my big move. Ahhh... So much to pack/buy/do. 

And of course, I am keeping my hands busy with this little lady:

Umm, excuse the picture that is even awful for a camera phone picture. It was the most recent picture in my photobucket. 

Take my word for it, she is cute.

Anywho, Friday was my last day of work. This weekend I had a small-ish, cheap-ish Mickey Mouse birthday party for Gemma. She won't be 2 for 3 more weeks, but I wanted to make sure my family could celebrate with her. I didn't get a single good picture, but I made some good memories. That is the important part, right?

This move is a big deal. I am finally emerging from the little small town-family cocoon that I have built around myself and re-entering the world. Restarting my life.

Scary.

But exciting. 

Gemma wants a snack. She said she is "hun-ga-wee"

Later gators!

I Am 25 Now

I didn't lose that weight I was s'posed to.

In fact, I gained some.

Gemma is up still...It is 10:40 p.m.

FML

I'm broke...

I mean, my bills are paid...

but I am broke.

Oh, and I really miss blogging.

Hopefully I will be back soon.

And in a better mood.

xoxo

Father's Day

Today I baked my dad's favorite cake. Cooked him dinner. Bought him a card.

It was nice.

I feel guilty. Because Gemma will never have a Dad to buy a card for. Or bake or cook for.

Maybe a step dad.

But that's not the same.

I wish I could say I love her as much and any mom and dad put together, but I can only love her like a mother does.

Which is a lot...but.

*sigh*

I'm just emotional I guess.

Hi by the way.

Adequately Whelmed

I've been over adequately whelmed with life lately. I think the biggest change for me has been working a 40 hour work week for the first time in my life. By the time I get home in the evenings, fix dinner, give Gemma a bath, clean up some, pack lunches and clothes for the next day I am so pooped that I just sort of sink into my bed, watch t.v. or scholarship hunt for an hour or two, and then pass out until it is time to do it all over again...

There is no new news on the grad school front. I have officially been accepted, but haven't heard anything about aid or when classes start or anything so there is nothing to report there.

Gemma is doing well. She has gained a little weight and is back up to the 10th percentile which is her normal. Huge sigh of relief. She had pink eye last week, but I think that ooey gooey hell is finally over, thank the Lord. Here is some crappy picture phone evidence:

I feel like I am having very little time to connect with myself or the things that I enjoy (like blogging) lately. I know it can be done and ultimately it is up to me to prioritize and restructure my life, but to be honest...I can barely keep my room clean! My clothes are washed and dumped in baskets until I wear them, library books are overdue, and I think my car hasn't been washed in a month...at least...

Oh, and I have gained about 5 pounds.

On the bright side...

I am finally moving towards  a future that excites me.

I am making more money.

I have family support.

Gemma is HYSTERICAL (this might need it's own post)

And I am growing up.

30 Second Update

New job is much busier, but definitely an improvement.

Obligatory Easter Photo:

I watched this movie and quit eating meat. For now at least. 

Mother's Day was celebrated with brunch at my grandma's with lots of family and friends...

And...

I got in to grad school!

Stay tuned for a longer post...

Somehow this one still took 5 minutes.

Geesh, I wish the monster who is eating my time would go on somewhere...

Graduation Goggles

So, I am on my second day of the new job and so far my verdict is...

It's different.

I feel like my life has done a complete 180 in a matter of a few days... Mostly because it did.

The hours that I used to work, I'm off (well, for this week I am working both jobs, but afterwards that will be the case) and vice versa. The new job is go, go, go where at my old job...I just kind of played on the internet.

I was watching HIMYM last night, and they were talking about Graduation Goggles... You know...how when you know that something isn't going to be in your life for much longer it looks that much better to you. I guess that is how I am feeling about my old job right now. I am going to miss having down time at work, I am going to miss knowing what to do each day, and I am going to (kind of) miss (some of) the people.

On the other hand...having a job that actually challenges might be a good thing. Having my days go by quickly will be a welcome change, and I will have weekends off. Like a real grown up!

(sorry...I know this may be all over...I am running on no sleep...)

Ch-Ch-Changesss

I have some big news y'all!

I got a new job today and I start Monday!

Things are happening and they are happening quickly.

It seems like a much better opportunity. Monday-Friday, "normal" hours, a more interesting job, room for growth AND a little more money.

The downside is going to be leaving Gemma for 50 hours a week. I'm totally not looking forward to that BUT I know it is totally going to be worth it.

So...things are progressing and it feels really right to me that they are. Hopefully this will get the ball rolling for bigger and better things...

I might even start blogging more...It's not like I could blog any less.

xoxo,

Happy Weekend Y'all!

Things I Am Happy About

• I think we are finally healthy again. Knock on wood.
• It's the friday before my weekend off.
• Things are going to get better.

I'm just gonna keep on keepin' on. Like I said, things are going to get better.

Wah Wah Wednesday

It's Wednesday and Gemma is sick.

Again not still.

This time with a stomache bug.

Sick kids suck.

Well, the kid doesn't suck but the sickness does.

We are going on 2 weeks of being mostly homebound.

The rain every other day doesn't help much either.

I've given up on trying to find fun indoor activities for us.

I've watched a lot of t.v. lately.

What can you do though, when your toddler is sick.

Like I said...

Wah Wah Wednesday

Spring Has Sprung

Spring has sprung and I am ready for a little rebirth.

I look forward to seeing the Earth awake.

I look forward to seeing myself awake.

Things here have been so-so. Gemma had an awful cold that went to her chest...The doctor is assuming RSV. We've been doing breathing treatments four times a day and taking it easy.

I think that has to be one of the toughest times to be a single parent. When your child is sick. There is no one else to help with medication, to give extra snuggles, to take temperatures. There is no one else so completely absorbed and concerned with your child's illness. Even when it something like a cold, which is relatively minor, every compulsion I have as a parent is to fix it...and it sucks that I can't. It sucks even more that I am the only one that feels that way and I still have to do all of the practical things that come along with having a sick kid.

Gemma actually probably picked up the bug at the pediatricians office when we were there for her 18 month check up. She was 32.5" and 20 pounds and 12 ounces. She has been thin for a while and I was worried about and the doctor said that it was fine. Now that I am feeling comfortable with it the doctor says that if she hasn't picked up a little more weight by her 2 year appointment she is going to want to do some lab work to make sure that everything is okay.

Blah.

Doctors appointments suck.

This has encouraged me to really focus on what Gemma is eating and how she is eating. I decided to get a booster seat for her and to start eating at the table with her. Our lives are so unstructured, but more and more I am realizing that I am pretty much going to have to create some more structure in our lives...no matter how contrary it is to my personality.

I finally got my grad school application in, all the parts and pieces included. It took about an extra 6 weeks from when I thought it was done. I hate that the extra time passed and I hate that my application is coming in just before the deadline, but what can I do now? At least it's done, right?

I have also started to look for a new job. There is nothing really wrong with the job I have now, it just isn't the right job for me. I am not really learning or growing, and, on a more practical note, I need something full time.

Regardless of the outcome of the grad school application it is progress for me to have it turned in. For awhile now I have been putting life off until after I know whether or now I got accepted.

Pretty soon I'll know.

And in the meantime I've decided not to keep spending more of my life waiting.

So I'm searching, and applying, and hoping.

And I guess I am waiting a little bit too.

Lipstick?

Mattress Shopping as an Analogy for Life?

I've been mattress shopping.

For a month.

I've actually ordered 3 separate mattresses, and then in a last minute of, "Oh no! What I have I done?" I canceled them. For various reasons. Not the right box spring, too expensive, and why the hell did I even consider buying a mattress online?

Sheesh.

The more I looked, the more my head spun. Have you ever tried comparing the price of mattresses? If you have, you know that tried is the operative word as mattresses are renamed from store-to-store and even from state to state. You can try comparing them by features but even then, it's not easy determining the difference between Eurotop and Pillowtop.

Well, for me at least.

Mattress shopping sucks.

Today, I resolved myself that this would be my final day of mattress shopping. I had to make a choice. I had to get a new comfy bed.

So I got up, got dressed, and headed to the store.

With my daddy of course.

And I laid on this mattress and that mattress. I declared them too firm, still not soft enough, and almost but not quite right.

Then..I found one that I liked!

The salesman suggested a price.

I suggested a lowered one.

(Ermh, well...my dad did.)

And he agreed!

So...

I bought a mattress!

Dang, mattresses are expensive.

Afterwards I started stressing...

Maybe I could have found something better. Maybe he charged me too much. Maybe I didn't need a mattress at all.

But tomorrow night...

fingers crossed...

I'm gonna have a good night's sleep.

And I refuse to stress it. No matter how big the purchase or what else this poor single mama could have done with the money. I am going to be happy that I made that big leap and move on with life, trusting that it was the right thing to do. I am going to be proud of myself for doing something for me.

If I were a better blogger, I would point out the analogy. Maybe something about how "settling" isn't always a bad thing. Or, maybe there is something to be said for just going for it. I might mention something about the importance of trusting yourself. I might assert that there are no guarantees in life. Expound upon the idea that a little support goes a long way...

If I were a better blogger I would connect all the dots, figure it out, and explain it all profoundly, poetically, and purposefully.

But I'm not a better blogger.

So this is what I have for you...

Mattress Shopping = Life

(maybe)

Cheer Up Swap

Do you remember how I posted about that swap I was participating in? I got my package today, came to work, took picures (yes, at work), I wrote a long, ridiculously descriptive post about how awesome the package truly was (yup, still at work), and BLOGGER ATE IT!

My first instinct was too be sad, but hey, that would defeat the purpose of a Cheer Up Swap, huh?

So here is the condensed version of that post:

Here's the button!

Thanks Brandy at You Don't Know for hosting!

My partner was the lovely Nichole at Nichole's Life as a Mommy and Wife.

Thanks times a trillion Nichole!

The beach/poolside themed gift was a perfect reminder of the upcoming spring, especially on a day like today that looked like this:

(I took this one at a red light...)

(...and this one while driving...)

(...and this one when I had safely made it to work)

I didn't get a picture of it, but the gift came in a Lego box.

But...

It wasn't Legos!

Check out my goodies!

(Totally not the first time in my life that I have said that.)

This is a super cute tote with a matching beach towel inside! I love the colors!

Isn't this a great idea?

Lots of fun stuff! A candle, sunblock, chapstick. gum, towel clip, floating candles, nail polish.

Cute little clips for Gemma!

Displayed on a Post-It. (I told you I was at work!)

And a letter, explaining all of the thought she put into this gift.

I sincerely appreciate everything Nichole, and I had so much fun participating.

If you want to see what I gave Nichole, click here.

And if you want to check out the other swappers, there is a link up here on Brandy's blog.

Checking In

Hi Friends!

Today is a dreary day, but my spirits are actually starting to look up. I know I have been a bit of a drag off and on...well...all winter, but hey...we all get into ruts right? I am hoping the warming weather will encourage me to be a little more active again. It can be a bummer trapped inside the house with a 1.5 year old day. A cute bummer, but definitely a bummer.

Speaking of cute...Here she is in her cheese-tastic glory:

I got my new point and shoot this past Friday, and although I haven't gotten much of a chance to play with yet, I am pretty pleased! (It is a Canon S95, if you're wonderin')

The grad school application process is driving me absolutely nuts. First there was the hold up with my transcripts. I thought I had that all sorted out and I found out that 2 of my 3 recommenders didn't attach a letter with the form that they submitted. I am scrambling now. On top of that, I called records and registration today to verify that my transcripts had been sent and they hadn't. They promised me that it would go out today, but I sort of feel like it is a race against time at this point. This has certainly been a lesson learned in giving yourself plenty of time when applying for programs...I had wanted to have it together last November, but hey...I didn't. What can I do now but cross my fingers and move forward...

Oh, I started the South Beach Diet today! I weighed 143.8 when I weighed myself this morning. I don't think I am doing the diet the way you are supposed to exactly, but I hope it still helps. I did wake up at 5 a.m. and  eat two of the enormous chocolate covered strawberries in the refrigerator and then throw the rest out so I wouldn't be tempted. I justified this by telling myself that they didn't count because technically, I wasn't up for the day...I went back to sleep after that. The rest of the day I at pretty well. I don't feel hungry and I am only craving carbs a teeny bit. We will see how it goes. I found out that the Girl Scout cookies I ordered forever ago will be here tomorrow. Go figure.

So, as I write this I am keeping on keeping on. Regardless of how things work out, I won't be in this same place next year. I won't let myself. I can't let myself.

I'm slowly emerging from my new mom cocoon, and now it is time to really try and figure out how to make my own path.

With her of course.

Wish me luck.

Things I Considered Blogging About Today

1. Spring is Coming! Soon-ish. I hope.
2. No grad school news yet :(.
3. I'm horrible with money.
4. I will have two new cameras soon! (See #3)
5. Blah, blah, blah.
6. This super cute picture I took of Gemma but forgot to take off my camera.
7. Something...profound. (That is as far as I got with that one.)
8. Yet another reassesment of my life goals, ambitions, and self improvement missions.
9. #8, but for real this time.
10. My life in lists. I stopped when I wrote "Good Things: ...." and couldn't think of anything to add.

Thank God for Processed Foods

So, I know that processed foods are bad for you and all, but...

sometimes they taste good.

This recipe is one of those recipes that relies on cans of Lord knows what, but the finished product tastes reallly good. The flavors aren't complex, but it is honest to goodness stick-to-your-ribs comfort food. This recipe is perfect for a weekday dinner that is as easy as it is yummy.

Easy Crock Pot Chicken and Dumplings
(Picture and Recipe via AllRecipes.com)

Ingredients

 

4 skinless, boneless chicken breast halves

 

2 tablespoons butter

 

2 (10.75 ounce) cans condensed cream of chicken soup

 

1 onion, finely diced

 

2 (10 ounce) packages refrigerated biscuit dough, torn into pieces

 

Directions

 

1.Place the chicken, butter, soup, and onion in a slow cooker, and fill with enough water to cover.

 

2.Cover, and cook for 5 to 6 hours on High. About 30 minutes before serving, place the torn biscuit dough in the slow cooker. Cook until the dough is no longer raw in the center.

Just a few notes...

• I skipped the butter in mine, and I didn't miss it!
• The first time I cooked it I added frozen mixed veggies and a can of new potatoes. This tasted more like pot pie, but it was good too. Feel free to add any veggies that you like.
• Add your chicken frozen! It helps save you a step and supposedly helps the chicken retain its juiciness.
• You can sub the 2-10 ounce cans of biscuits for a large 16 ounce can of biscuits...you will still have plenty of dumplings.
• There are lots of variations that could be made to this basic recipe. Try it the "right" way the first time and then play around with it. Sometimes things are best when left alone!

So, do you have any yummy-but-maybe-not-very-good-for-you recipes to share? Am I a complete  heathen for not abandoning my beloved junk foods completely?

xoxo
-Kacie

 

Oh No!

I've lost another follower.

You're dropping like flies.

Life isn't very exciting lately.

I'm still anxiously awaiting word on the one and only grad school that applied to.

I'm shopping 'til I drop for stuff I "need".

I'm running around instead of tackling the entire crib full of clean laundry that needs to be folded.

(At least the crib is getting some use.)

Gemma is getting bigger and funnier and sweeter.

Apparently licking the dog is awesome.

Personally, I think it's gross.

So, yeah, things are pretty boring around here lately.

Sometimes I want to stop and be insightful, but I just don't have the emotional energy lately.

Erhm, hi though!

xoxo

Doubt

My grad school application is finally in.

In as in sent and received by the school.

In as in completely out of my hands.

Last week I had a bit of a hang up...It is a lot to explain but basically my head was swarming with default/deferment/holds and other awesome things that happen when you never receive a student loan bill.

Oops.

But now, the hang up is un-hung.

And I am doubting myself.

All along, I have told myself, "When I go to grad school."

And now, I see that it is merely a possibility.

My entire life plan is a possibility.

Scary stuff.

I think about how I should have applied sooner.

And certainly I was crazy for only applying to one place.

Ugh.

I am totally doubting myself.

This. Sucks.

Wordless Wednesday

Cheer Up Swap and Fat Ass Friday

Have y'all met Brandy from You Don't Know, yet? If not, you need too...she's awesome. She's funny, and crafty, and her little boy Grayson is adorable :)

Brandy has all kinds of excitement going on at You Don't Know, and this week I decided to join in.

First, I signed up for the Cheer Up Swap.

You should check it out if you like getting packages, and c'mon...who doesn't like packages!?!

I am also joining her for Fat Ass Friday. I actually weigh about 15 pounds more than I weighed at my 6 postpartum appointment. Seriously. Not cool. I've blogged about my weight issues a little here, but I have never really made changes that "stuck." Here is hoping that this is the time they do.

Here is Brandy's cute button for Fat Ass Friday.

And my stats:

Starting weight: Erm. My scale is broke. My best guess is 143 though...it was right around there last time I weighed myself. 
Goal weight-125Last week's weight:-
Current weight: 143-ish
Weight +GAIN / -LOSS this week: -
Total weight lost: -


And here is my 143 pounds in pictures:

And proof I have a face...and need to get my eyebrows done. And brush my hair.

Have an awesome weekend y'all and go say hi to Brandy!

Snow Day!

We are finally getting snow today! This is our first real snow storm of the season.

I am completely lazy today. I baked muffins earlier today, and that is about all I have accomplished. I still have to clean the kitchen up.

Right now, Gemma is napping and I am laying in bed with her watching Brothers and Sisters.

Lazy, lazy, lazy.

I think I like snow days.

Money, Money, Monday

I've posted a little bit on here about saving money.

Saving money is a good thing.

The problem with how I save money is usually I save money on stuff that I am buying.

Buying things isn't always a good thing.

Of course, everyone needs certain things, but truth be told, most of us do it in excess. (Buy things that is)

Personally, I have struggled because...well...I don't make much money. Goals like buying a car, getting my own home, paying off my debts seem almost impossible so...I just.don't.bother.

And I buy stuff.

It's true.

So, with a little bit of a monetary windfall headed my way (thank you, Uncle Sam!) I have decided to try to get a better handle on my finances.

I looked up my credit report for free here. I faced my debts head on. Now, they weren't as bad as I thought, but they are still bad. Ick.

I also signed up on mint.com to set up a budget for myself. It's a work in progress, but hey, now I have a budget! (Oh, and if you are interested, Mint has an android app and also an iPhone/iPod touch app.)

These are definitely baby steps for me, but they are steps in the right direction. Many young people struggle with money, and sometimes it is overwhelming to try and figure it all out...but I'm gonna try.

Someone's gotta pay the bills, right?

Do you have any advice for me as I work towards financial independence?

Calling All Blog Designers!

So, I have decided that this beautiful blog needs a new look...because that teeny tiny baby in my header doesn't exist anymore...she's been replaced with a big ol' toddler.

Plus, I have...ideas.

Secret ones.

For now at least.

I know that there are lots of blog designers out there, but I wanted to take it to my readers first and see if there are any of you who do blog design or if you know/have used a blog designer that you love and think I should check out.

Oh, and, I can pay someone this time. 

That's usually important to mention.

Happy Sunday Y'all!

xoxo,
Kacie

I Stole This

From my blog buddy Jordan at This Is My Now.

I like this so much that I made it my facebook picture.

It is exactly what I need to remind myself right now.

Thanks Jordan!

Happy Weekend Y'all!

Que Sera, Sera

So...

I mailed my grad school application today.

Holy crap, I'm nervous.

For a whole list of reasons, this is the only school that I am applying to. If I don't get accepted, it is on to Plan B.

The problem is...

Plan B doesn't exist.

I am crossing all of my fingers and toes, knocking on wood, and all that good stuff.

I want this so much it is crazy.

It's out of my hands now, so I guess all I can do is hope for the best.

By the Time I'm 25...

In 5 months and 8 days I am going to be 25 years old!

Eeek.

I keep thinking about who I want to be at 25 and how I am not quite that person yet.

So, I am on a quest for self improvement, both in and out.

I really want to overhaul my life and be the best me I can be.

I might try to focus on self improvement here for awhile. My life needs a lot of work and it sounds kind of silly to talk about these things out loud in real life...so I will let it all out here.

I want to be more patient, find inner peace, and reconnect with myself spiritually. I want to read more books, keep myself on a budget, and get more organized. I want to focus on my diet, exercise, dressing nicer, taking better care of my skin and hair.

I know I was kind of wish washy on the whole resolution thing, but I really need to make the changes I want to make like now.

After all, now is all we've got right?

P.S. 159 Days 'til I'm 25

Family Portrait

Gemma, Right Now

So, I realize that I haven't posted those monthly photos in...err...3 months, but I have been taking them, and I promise, Gemma keeps getting cuter and cuter. I used to write a little bit about her at each month, but I haven't done that since I quit posting pictures, so I wanted to just get out a little bit of randmomness. Feel free to skip this post, hey, it is Friday night anyway...should you really be in blog land? :)

Gemma is such a sweet, sweet girl...except for when she is pulling your hair.

She call toes piggies and likes to sniff...and sometimes lick (gross)...them.

Brushing my hair is fun for her and sometimes painful for me.

Just yesterday she started SCREAMING the dog's name "Ojjjjjjj." (His name is O.J., but we call him Oj...sounds like Oh plus G as in Giant.)

She's afraid of bugs, which is unfortunate because we STILL have pesky freakin' stink bugs.

She calls most drinks "milk" and desperately wants whatever I am drinking.

She loves ducks, and says "quack" whenever she sees them. Her quack sounds kind of aggressive, but so do all of her other animal sounds...

She has so many distinct intrests now! Cars (vrooom), dinosuars (rawr), babies in both doll and photographic for (bay-beh!).

She likes playing dress up, by throwing clothes around her neck or she tries to to put my pants on. She also tries on any pair shoes that she comes across. She likes applying lip gloss, uses lotion on her hands, and puts bracelets and hair ties on her wrist...like her mama.

She no longer just says "hello" on the phone, she has long gibberish conversations.

Anytime she sees a pillow, bed, or blanket, or when the t.v. is off (this shows my bad habits!) she says "night night."

She loves splashing in water...especially the dogs' water. Ick.

She's definitely off and running.

She likes to spin in circles. She gets really dizzy after a few spins and falls on her butt.

She likes rocking chairs and assumes most seats will rock. She says "rock, rock" as she sits.

Gosh, she really is the best baby ever!

You disagree?

Okay...maybe not the best baby ever.

But she is pretty freakin' sweet.

Seriously.

Here's an awful camera phone picture of her that was taken earlier this week. She is drinking a juice box and hanging out with her Aunt Abby...

I Swear My Kid Doesn't ALWAYS Have Junk Food on Her Face

But sometimes she does.

Here's Gemma saying "CHEESE."

And playing in the dirty clothes basket.

With chocolate on her face.

At 10:00 o'clock at night.

Awesome.

Random Funny

Not much to say today.

What I Ate on My First Day of "Dieting"

All day yesterday at work I felt fat.

Uncomfortable in my skin, hanging out of my clothes, catching a glimpse of how I really look now, fat.

I resolved myself to finally, once and for all, making a real go of loosing the 20 or so pounds that have really been irking my nerves today.

For breakfast, I had one and a half fried eggs, two slices of white toast with butter, and two strips of bacon.

For a snack I had gooey butter cake and a glass of milk.

Lunch was almost an entire sesame chicken lunch special and half an egg roll.

I will eat dinner tonight, at 9:30, I'm not sure what .

According to my nifty calorie tracker app, I have already consumed over 1900 calories today.

Eeek.

At least I haven't had any soda!

And as always...tommorrow is another day.

Wish me luck.

And will power.

Sunday Savings

Confession time.

If you've been reading this blog for a while you probably know I tend to get obsessed with things. Often. Everything from taco flavored potato chips to crazy reality shows to entering giveaways starts as something small for me and then becomes much bigger.

I guess I have an addictive personality.

My most recent obsession is online shopping. I think the combination of loving to shop, having a baby that is hard to shop with, and having lotsss of time to kill online (while I'm at work...I'm a receptionist, so it's okay!) has sort of created this online shopping monster...

Muahhahaaha... (that's an evil laugh. Could you tell?)

The only thing that makes my obsession no-so-bad is that I am not just shopping indiscriminately...

I'm bargain huntin'.

(Say that in your most country accent. Or like Elmer Fudd. Either one works.)

I have been a major fan of sites like Shop at Home and Ebates for cash back (note, those are referral links), I use Retail Me Not to find coupon codes, and I stalk Slickdeals to find bargains that others have posted.

I really am sooo addicted.

I know that this post might just seem like an excuse to post my referral links (promise it's not.(Only the first two links are referrals btw) I just wanted to share with you where a lot of my online time has been spent lately :)

My most recent deal was from American Eagle.

American Eagle and Aerie clearance is an additional 30% off in your cart. When you purchase any 3 items you also get free shipping. There is a code for $10 off of a $35 purchase (78865547) and a code for 15% off of your entire order (either 65023617 [Exp. 01/20] or 35476511). The codes cannot be combined, but you can try both in your cart and see what gives you the best price. The free shipping will be automatically deducted when you have 3 or more items in your cart.

I got these New Balance Cross Trainers, and 3 other small fill in items (ahem) for $27 using the $10 off of $35 code.The shoes alone were originally $64.50. I think it was a pretty sweet deal...

If you are in need of a new pair of shoes for the gym and wear a size 6 or 6.5 you should definitely check this out. There are lots of other cold weather clothes on clearance too, so you should be able to find something great!

So, are you a bargain shopper? Do you have any tips or suggestions that would help fuel the fire (not that I need it).

Blog Sweep

I was following 216 blogs.

I'm now following 34.

My goal was 15.

Ehhh, close enough.

Catching up with my favorite blogs has been nearly impossible recently, as it feels like I am always skipping past stuff that I don't really read so I finally broke down and decided to clean house.
It feels nice, real nice.

I would suggest you do the same.

Even if I don't make the cut.

My feelings won't be too hurt...

Promise

*Sidenote: I was a little delete happy and now I am thinking that I probably deleted some of my favorite blogs. If you realize that you lost a follower and you think it might be me, leave a comment or send an email and I will re-add you. If I have never read your blog but you want me to check it out, let me know and I will follow you too!*

See you tommorrow friends! 

Oops!

So, I kinda sorta already failed at my whole "Post Everyday in January," resolution. But I have a good reason. I was sick...like, left work early sick. Luckily, I am feeling mostly better today. Not so luckily, I am stuck at work.

Life has kinda been just trucking along...

My great grandma came home from the nursing home where she was receiving rehab for a hip surgery. I am so happy that she is back home again! She has really helped me through so much of the past two difficult years. She has always been someone that I can talk to and confide in and I am beyond thrilled that she is well on the road to recovery.

I have been trying to motivate myself a little more. I have straigtened my hair like 3 days this week which is really good for me. I know it seems silly, but I feel sooo much better about myself when my hair is done, and actually taking the time to do it is an accomplishment for me. I bought a book, and I have started reading it... (This, if you are curious.)

I am also finally really working on my grad school applications...

Like I said, just trucking along...

Special Appearance

It's Me!

On my own blog.

Go figure.

This is a random mom's side of the family Christmas picture.

We're kind of random, but love makes a family, right?



Last Year's Resolutions (aka I Suck) and a Free Biscuit

Last year I got a little...ambitious...with the whole new years resolution thing.

I said, hey, why have 1 when I can have 101.

Seriously, can anyone tell me what I was thinking?

When I look back on those resolutions, I realize that I have accomplished probably...10 things on the list?

Not so awesome.

I still love the idea of a 101 in 1001 challenge, but I am wondering if I need to revamp the list, or if maybe it is just unrealistic.

I wonder why we, people in general, set so many goals for ourselves that we don't meet. I mean, nothing is our way but ourselves right? What makes it so hard to pick up that book, hit the gym, wear the make up, save the dollar, mop the floors, save the kitten, make it to church and so on and so forth.

I don't get it.

Maybe we all need to resolve to be more resolved.

Or maybe we should just say eff it and eat a free spicy chicken biscuit.

Life's weird.

The Year of Me

2009 was The Year of Gemma. Two years ago tomorrow, I came face to face with the little pink line that would change my life forever. (This happened in the bathroom at the grocery store, but that is a story for another time.) My 2009 was spent growing this baby, accepting this baby, meeting this baby, and learning how to care for this baby, this baby I wasn't quite sure I was ready to have. (Or maybe I was quite sure I wasn't ready to have this baby.) The whole of my 2009 revolved around Her.

2010 was The Year of Us. Gemma and I. Our own little two person family. I really learned how to be a mother to this child and in turn she grew to love and trust me. My love for her is unexpected and special. Looking at her is like looking at the best parts of myself. It has been a hard year. An exhausting year. A year that I sometimes didn't want to keep trudging through. All of the struggles of 2010 were worth it though, because 2010 made Gemma and I an Us.

I have decided that 2010 will the year of Me. Obviously I am going to keep loving Gemma, caring for Gemma, and being the best mama that I know how, but I also want to turn back some of my life's focus onto myself. I want to start graduate school. I want to take care of my body. I want to have fun. I want to get to know this girl who has changed so much in 2 years that she hardly recognizes herself. I want to spend 2011 working on Me.

2011 New Years Resolutions

Get Accepted to Grad School OR Come Up with a Plan B

Weigh 125 by my 25th Birthday (June 26th)

Read More

Blog Everyday in January (Except on My Weekends Off)

Do Other Things that Make Me Happy, Bring Me Towards My Goals, and Help Me Find Myself Again

By this time next year I want to be my very best self.

Who knows, 2012 could be the year of Him.