Thursday, December 31, 2009


You brought me Gemma.

As a matter of fact, it was the morning of the very first day of 2009, when I felt just a little more hungover than I should have been.

A light bulb (okay, a blaring alarm and one of those fire drill lights) went off and that is when the possibility of , the reality of,  her, first began for me.

New Years Eve last year I was at some opening for a night club in D.C., in a short dress sipping on Midori Sours. Tonight I am at home with Gemma,  in basketball shorts playing peek-a-boo and watching Gilmore Girls. As much as I would like to be able to say there is no contest to which form of celebration I prefer, I must admit...I had a lot of fun last year.

But Gemma wins.

This was supposed to have been the year that I graduated from college and struck out on my own. Instead, I moved back home with her. For her.

I came home and anticipated her arrival. I hugged the belly that held my future and mourned the memories that held my past. I made plans and prepared and practiced....

And then she came and everything was flipped upside down. But in a good way. In a great way. In a challenging way. In a really hard, I can't believe my life is here right now, thank God this is really worth it, kind of way.

Finally the dust has settled, and while I am anticipating that I should never become to comfortable with motherhood (because obviously that is when everything changes again), I am feeling more confident in my ability to be her mother every single day.

I am making new plans for the both of us now.

Although it wasn't what I had expected or something that I could have conceived to be possible in my wildest dreams it has all been totally worth it.

2009 was the first full year I got to spend with my baby and that is what I will always remember it for.

Excuse me, I have a diaper to change. :)

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