Sunday, March 20, 2011

Spring Has Sprung

Spring has sprung and I am ready for a little rebirth.

I look forward to seeing the Earth awake.

I look forward to seeing myself awake.

Things here have been so-so. Gemma had an awful cold that went to her chest...The doctor is assuming RSV. We've been doing breathing treatments four times a day and taking it easy.

I think that has to be one of the toughest times to be a single parent. When your child is sick. There is no one else to help with medication, to give extra snuggles, to take temperatures. There is no one else so completely absorbed and concerned with your child's illness. Even when it something like a cold, which is relatively minor, every compulsion I have as a parent is to fix it...and it sucks that I can't. It sucks even more that I am the only one that feels that way and I still have to do all of the practical things that come along with having a sick kid.

Gemma actually probably picked up the bug at the pediatricians office when we were there for her 18 month check up. She was 32.5" and 20 pounds and 12 ounces. She has been thin for a while and I was worried about and the doctor said that it was fine. Now that I am feeling comfortable with it the doctor says that if she hasn't picked up a little more weight by her 2 year appointment she is going to want to do some lab work to make sure that everything is okay.


Doctors appointments suck.

This has encouraged me to really focus on what Gemma is eating and how she is eating. I decided to get a booster seat for her and to start eating at the table with her. Our lives are so unstructured, but more and more I am realizing that I am pretty much going to have to create some more structure in our matter how contrary it is to my personality.

I finally got my grad school application in, all the parts and pieces included. It took about an extra 6 weeks from when I thought it was done. I hate that the extra time passed and I hate that my application is coming in just before the deadline, but what can I do now? At least it's done, right?

I have also started to look for a new job. There is nothing really wrong with the job I have now, it just isn't the right job for me. I am not really learning or growing, and, on a more practical note, I need something full time.

Regardless of the outcome of the grad school application it is progress for me to have it turned in. For awhile now I have been putting life off until after I know whether or now I got accepted.

Pretty soon I'll know.

And in the meantime I've decided not to keep spending more of my life waiting.

So I'm searching, and applying, and hoping.

And I guess I am waiting a little bit too.


  1. It is hard to be a single mom all the time, but especially when they are sick. This is a hard time to be a mom in general. :) Good luck with grad school and the job search, I understand these as well.

  2. i hope that things start looking up for you

  3. When she is sick AND at this young age, it feels impossible. It is not, though. If you can let go and surrender to the moments, try to go with the flow and be with Gemma when she needs you. And try to take care of yourself and ask for help from any sources that might be helpful.
    Congratulations on the grad school application! Look at it this way: Now your's will be on the TOP of the pile, since it came in later. :)

  4. I hate being a single parent most when Jude's sick.
    I also need to try to get more structure in our lives. I'm not good at it lol