63 Days Until Baby

31 Weeks Pregnant!

9 more weeks to go.

• How far along?: 31 weeks

• Total weight gain: Somewhere between 17-22 pounds

• How big is baby?: According to Baby Center, 3.3 pounds or 4 navel oranges.

• Maternity clothes?: I have gotten another pair of jean capris. And 2 long t-shirts, one is gray and one is white with a neon/flag printed hand making a peace sign (try visualising that one!) that says Peace Now. I had to buy a few extra long shirts to fit over this belly :(

• Stretch marks?: Just the few on my chest still (knock on wood)

• Sleep?: Not too bad! I am getting pretty good sleep.

• Best moment this week?: Lotsa movement. My grandmother felt her move!

• Movement?: See above. She's still not the most active but I feel her soooo much more often.

• Food cravings?: Hot wings, specifically the spicy garlic wings from bww which I haven't gotten yet. Oh, and dip.

• Labor signs?: None!

• Belly button in or out?: Still in.

• What I miss: A LOT of clothes are not fitting me now. I can't wear but a couple pre-pregnancy things right now.

• What I'm looking forward to: Sleep tonight! In regards to the pregnancy...I guess just continuing to have her grow bigger and stronger and healthier!
• Milestone: 1) The baby flipped into head down position
• 2) I had my first child birth class

-63 Days Until Baby

64 Days Until Baby

Today I am 23!!!

So old.

-64 Days Until Baby

65 Days Until Baby

R.I.P. Micheal Jackson

I am not sure what I can say that hasn't been said better already. I am a little young to be a huge Michael Jackson fan, but his presence in pop culture and in the world that I have lived in my entire life is certainly great. I hope that in death he finds the peace he was never allowed while living and that it is the bright points in his life that are celebrated as opposed to the rough patches. He put up with so much in the media in the past however many years and I just hope he is given respect that should be owed to any individual.

I can't believe my baby will be born at a time where Michael Jackson jokes are tragic as opposed to funny.

The passing of time sucks. The circle of life sucks. The awareness of it all definitely SUCKS!

-65 Days Until Baby

66 Days Until Baby

Highlights of my 30 Week Doctor's Appointment

1. Blood pressure is up, but still good.
2. I gained 6.5 pounds in 2 weeks (wtf?!?!) bringing my total weight gain somewhere around 18-23 pounds (yikes!).
3. Baby is already in a head down position.

I saw somewhere today (on a message board maybe?) that time really starts to fly around this point. I think it would make sense for this to be true. With childbirth classes every week, doctors appointments every two weeks, an upcoming baby shower, and the fury of preparation that is sure to follow I think the baby prep part of my life will be pretty full.

I also talked to my doctor about a family vacation scheduled for the week of August 16th. My due date is August 29th. I am torn as to what I should do...As expected the doctor reccomended strongly that I stay here, her primary concern being delivering far from home in a strange hospital with doctors that don't know me and such. Problem is, my whole family is going so if I don't I would be at the house, by myself, at 38 weeks pregnant which seems at least an equally crummy situation. It is a lazy beach trip, so the nature of it would not be an issue. Just traveling and distance. I have 8 weeks or so to contemplate and I shall...

Hmmm...Other than that...

I have kind of been slacking in the life planning department. I haven't done ANYTHING to make steps toward my law/grad school goal. I've planned on planning but haven't really gotten around to it (even though I literally do NOTHING all day, every day.) Maybe it is pregnancy brain or exhaustion or a combination of both, maybe it's laziness, or maybe it is all of those or none of those. Not sure.

Oh! And I got facebook back. Not too far into the pregnancy someone was hacking into all my stuff online so I deleted facebook. I recreated a hidden profile so I can at least stay in better touch with my close friends and I think it is a good thing. I am still a little nervous but I think maybe I am just paranoid.

I still don't think I want random people I went to school with to know I am pregnant.

I wonder if they do?

-66 Days Until Baby

68 & 67 Days Until Baby

I am so not great at this whole pregnancy blog thing.

Here I am, trying to record the memories, and I don't post the first day of CHILDBIRTH CLASSES!

I should be ashamed of myself.

Oh well, better late than never. Although I feel like it should be a pretty big deal it wasn't. I went to the class that my local hospital offers. Sister K went with me as a support person. We were arguing allll day yesterday...We spend way too much time together, but I still think it is sweet of her to just be there.

The first class seemed a little pointless, but I guess if I wasn't so obsessed with reading anything and everything about pregnancy it would have been informative. Instead, it felt a little redundant. They had us watch the infamous labor videos.

I had a few problems with this though.

1. We had all just met each other. I think that it was a little uncomfortable to watch in the company of strangers.
2. The instructor lady left after starting the video. Hello. What if we had questions?
3. All of the ladies in the video were like 40.
4. They were all also completely naked. I doubt I will be giving birth without clothes on...is that necessary?
5. The video were like 20 years old. Or older. It literally could have been my birth we witnessed if my mom had been 20 years older and lacking shame when she gave birth for me. I think it made it more boring somehow.

Yesterday was also the day Jon and Kate announced their divorce. Not an entirely shocking event.

Today was such an off day. I woke up at 4:30 am and was thinking about death. Again. For some reason I have had a weird preoccupation with death the past few weeks. I think that is a bit deep for tonight's blog post but moral is I ended up staying up until 1 or so this afternoon and then crashing until 3:30 or so.

For some reason my entire day was thrown off because of this. I spent most of the day exhausted because I hadn't slept enough, then I slept, and then I was tired because I had just woken up. It is almost 9 p.m. and I have only felt human for a couple hours. Yuck...

Tonight I am making what is rumored to be the BEST EVER LEMONADE.

We'll see about that.

-67 Days Until Baby

69 Days Until Baby

Today is Father's Day.

We went to my grandfather's house... Had a cookout.

Thank God for my Dad. He really is my rock and the most stable part of my life. If it weren't for him Lord knows where I would be...

-69 Days Until Baby

70 Days Until Baby

30 Weeks!

I am kind of over the whole pregnancy thing. I thought I saw a stretchmark today and I literally almost cried. I am embarrassed to admit that, I think it sort of highlights my vanity and is one more point for the "are you really sure you are mature enough to handle supporting another life, yeah right" tally that I keep in my brain. Even worse, for about 20 seconds I had an internal dialogue in my head where I pictured asking my doctor to induce labor early to avoid getting terrible stretch marks and then just as quickly was horrified that the thought would even cross my mind. Let me clarify, I would NEVER, EVER ask a doctor this, and as tired as I am of being pregnant my greatest wish in life right now is that this baby is born no sooner than when she is fully baked, and in perfect health. That's what makes it so strange to me that the thought even entered my mind!

I feel like I am at an odd point in the pregnancy...30 weeks sounds like a lot in but so does the 10 more weeks that I have until she is born. I sort of feel as if I have been pregnant forever but there is still almost forever to go.

I am torn as far as how I feel about rushing things as well. I have been fixated lately on the idea of the shortness of time, how we have to make the most out of life so I don't want to wish it all away. I also realize that the next few weeks of my life will be last in which I can be as selfish as I am now (well I guess it changed when I found out I was pregnant, but it will REALLY be different later). I want to enjoy the peace before the storm and all.

That being said I am not sure I love being pregnant. I do not mind the weight gain from a vanity standpoint (except for it's role in bringing about stretch marks) I think mostly because my face looks the same so I feel like I am the same. I am sort of self conscious of this big belly, my ringless finger, and the obvious youth and instability I am sure I project. In a sense I kind of feel like I am shouting something to the world about my character that feels very dirty and wrong. I feel uptight sometimes when strangers mention it, my belly, acknowledging that they are aware of the pregnancy, and I feel embarrassed to let one of my grandfathers see me. This also makes me feel guilty (are you noticing any trends???) because I don't feel negatively about the child I am carrying...I feel guilty for the manifestation of my "sin" in my outward body.

I also don't like having my body taken over and also trusting my body to support this baby. I worry so much. I know there will be worry (probably even more) once she is born, but the reassurance of seeing her here will make it different, at least that is what I am thinking.

I am almost afraid to admit this, for fear of jinxing it, but on a brighter note I have been feeling a lot more movement (as in the baby's movements) the past few days. Finally. I have felt her throughout the entire day for the past couple of days and it makes me feel so much more at ease. I am going to worry now when it isn't as regular, but hopefully that isn't an issue. It has been so frustrating for me as I read so much and I compare so much and as you can probably tell from much of this post I THINK WAY TOO MUCH!

Ahk!

Once my life is back on track (as in I have one again) hopefully I won't have as much time to over-think. Until then, I am going to practice living presently, pleasantly, in the moment and at the same time try to do what I can to make my life as good as possible once it has restarted.

Honestly though, all I really do is watch TV and sleep...Oh and I eat a lot too.

-70 Days Until Baby

72 & 71 Days Until Baby

I refuse to allow the highlight of this post to be food or a television show, for the third post in a row...

I think I may have nothin'!

I did go with C to look for baby shower gifts today...didn't find much but we did almost get run off the road while driving back. Awesome. Not.

My pregnant brain is psychotic btw. I am afraid of dogs, loud noises, trucks, etc. I think about life and death and what it all means wayyyyyy more than normal. I wonder if the paranoia and pondering are normal to pregnancy or just me. I can't wait for all the feel good hormones to kick in once the baby is born so I can feel less depressing and wound up. I am actually not depressed at all I just think about sad things and in the moment that I am thinking of them I become sad...

wierd, wierd, wierd...

-71 Days Until Baby

74 & 73 Days Until Baby

So yesterday was pretty okay...I brought my sister back and forth to work 4 times so that was slightly time consuming!

I also got my massage! It felt soooo nice! I think that might be what we are getting my dad for father's day. The lady who did the massage was kind of chatty at first and I really just wanted her to be quiet and rub me! Eventually she quieted, I relaxed, and all is well.

Afterwards I was a little worried as I experienced a little bit of cramping/tightening of my stomach. It was so bad that while I was in the store I thought I might need to leave before paying (for the $80 camera that was on clearance for $8!!! Birthday present for my step-brother) I called my mom and she suggested calling the doc but now I am paranoid that they will think that I am being a crazy psycho any time I have any questions or concerns. Maybe I am a little paranoid but I have no clue what is going on with my body!!!

Oh well, all is better today...except I think the massage gave me a crick in my neck! My luck... And my poor, pitiful, 22 year old body ;)

Today was blah.

The highlights:

And

It's okay though...I only have about 2 and 1/2 months left of lazy days for the next 18 years. I am going to enjoy them, live presently, and try not to let my crazy thoughts turn this time into something negative.

Too much time to think can be way dangerous.

-73 Days Until Baby

77, 76, & 75 Days Until Baby

I am a quarter of a way through the countdown I started at the beginning of this blog! Imagine that!

Since I have last written I reached 29 weeks... Definitely within the third trimester :) I have noticed that my belly button has become even flatter at some point when I wasn'y paying attention recently. I still doubt that it will pop completely out...

This weekend was nice. Today was good.

Chipotle + 1/2 price DARK DENIM maternity jeans = :)

This week is baby week on Discovery Health...I am slightly excited and at the same time slightly depressed that that has become exciting.

I finished the book I was reading. It was random, cheesy Brit chick lit...

Now, I am reading a book on dwarves. It seems interesting so far but lately if I read like 10 pages I am fast asleep so it has been slow going reading any thing lately. That is so out of character for me. I guess this whole growing another person really can be draining.

-75 Days Until Baby

79 & 78 Days Until Baby

The past few days I have been in hibernation.

I have been curled up at home over dosing on as much television as possible.

It has been kind of nice.

I have developed an addiction to ER reruns. Granted I have only watched 4 episodes but really I forgot how good that show was.

I did also get a resume writing book from the library, and I am hoping this weekend to really get a legit resume together soon. I kind of, sort of have one but it isn't that impressive.

I am also trying to come up with some sort of LSAT prep strategy. I haven't found the motivation (or energy) to start looking up what I would need to do, but again...Hopefully soon.

-78 Days Until Baby

80 Days Until Baby Part Deux-My Story Is Not Over: The Big 300 and a Giveaway!

My Story Is Not Over: The Big 300 and a Giveaway!

This blogger asked how blogging has changed our lives...

To be honest I probably can not say my life has changed a whole lot yet (it has been less than a month!) but I do feel that I am sort of forced to look for the interesting parts in my day. I have yet to really get into blogging well or telling stories but I have been able to add the perspective to my life as far as trying to look in from an outsiders point of view. 

Another added bonus, I am more motivated to take pictures which is great and I am also more likely to notice the random milestones. I think it will make me more appreciative of all that I have, especially as I have been feeling that I don't have a lot. 

84,83,82 & 81 Days Until Baby (Plus 80 Days Until Baby)

Sooo Much to catch up on it feels like! My "funk" has yet to completely dissapate so I guess that has been a contributing factor to my lack of daily blogging. Also, the fact that I have felt the need to catch up on EVERYTHING that has been missed. Instead, I will do my best...Say some and probably leave some out.

Ok, so Saturday...

Saturday was a typical Saturday. We went yard sale-ing and then went to visit my brother and his girlfriend. Afterwards, we ate at this new wing place in town. It was pretty good...The wings were not exactly special, but do wings have to be special to be enjoyed by a pregnant woman? I think the two are meant to be regardless of circumstance!

The most exciting thing about Saturday was I was 28 weeks pregnant! I am looking back at it, a wise 28 wks 3 days, but still it was exciting nonetheless. I found this survey that I am going to try to do every Saturday to celebrate my progressing one week!

• How far along?: 28 weeks

• Total weight gain: 16 Pounds

• How big is baby?: According to Baby Center, 2.25 pounds or about the size of a Chinese cabbage.

• Maternity clothes?: I still don't own maternity shirts! I just wear large t-shirts mostly...I have a couple longer t-shirts that fit and I have bought one extra large fitted shirt that works... I wear sweats, my comfy old navy pants and I have a pair of black maternity capris and jean maternity capris that I wear. My bra size has gone up from a 36 a/34 b to a 38 c! 

• Stretch marks?: I have a few dark ones on one side of my chest... 

• Sleep?: Some nights? I feel like I could always use more, but I feel I sleep a lot too. Some nights I am up and down, others less so...It seems random.

• Best moment this week?:  Ahh...If I had posted Saturday I would have known!

• Movement?: Good days and bad like usual :(

• Food cravings?: Apple toaster strudels. I at the whole box in one week! Also, beef ramen. I ate a lot of it last week.

• Labor signs?: None yet, thank God. 

• Belly button in or out?: It is still in! I am not sure I think it will pop. 

• What I miss: Happy hour! Lunch meat. Sleeping however I want...

• What I'm looking forward to: My appointment tomorrow, and possibly seeing the baby again...

• Milestone: ...

  So that was Saturday...

  Sunday I visited the grandparents... and then I went and got two kittens. They are super cute and still nameless! I will post with pictures soon!

  Monday was crazy. I had a huge anxiety/panic attack. Thank goodness I have calmed down. I won't even go into it, it was so embarassing. 

  Tuesday... Meh. Nothing to report, except that is when I originally started this post, and I had a lot more to say! I have learned my lesson and will be posting wayyy more often from now on. 

  Wednesday/Today was an okay day.

  I had a WIC appointment this morning. It is kind of embarassing, but sooo many women qualify for WIC and I am glad to have a little bit to contribute to the house since I am unable to work. It is not much but at some point every little bit helps.

  I decided to treat myself to a McDonalds breakfast which was such a bad idea! Basically it just made me so tired and then I had really bad heartburn for forever. Yuck. 

  Next was my doctors appointment. I still weigh 152. Everything seems pretty great except for my anxiety which I got PRESCRIBED A MASSAGE FOR! How amazing is that???  Hopefully insurance covers it. I am pretty psyched! I might make the appointment for early next week to give myself something to look forward to but then I won't have to wait long.

  I met up with my friend A for a coffee and then came home for a bit...headed to the grocery store and went out to dinner with the family...

  Hmm...

  My interesting life.

  *yawn*

  I promise to post more often cuz it is kind of wack like this! I apologize! And pictures of the kittens will be included soon too!

  -80 Days Until Baby

]

85 Days Until Baby

So the word of today is disappointment.

I am going to apologize in advance for the melancholy tone of this post...and the others for the past week or so. Maybe it is the rain. I don't know. Yesterday, I was feeling better but then today it just seems like another setback.

So earlier in the week I was determined to reconnect with my friends, even though at this point my phone still wasn't working, so I sent out a few emails. My friend SQ responded and suggested that I should come to the BBQ alot of my friends are going to and said I could carpool with someone. I responded letting her know I was interested and pretty much assumed it was as good as planned.

I never got a follow up email so today I figured I would text SQ to see what was up with the plans. She suggested two of our mutual friends that I could get a ride with, saying the first would definitely do it. I texted and called the first suggested friend and go no response, so I texted her back to see what she thought and see how she was getting there. Apparently, a huge group of my friends all decided to leave tonight so that they could go out to some club tonight something I obviously can't do. I called friend number two that she suggested and she said she had a tight schedule tommorrow but would call me in an hour or hour and a half and let me know something... It has been three hours.

This is a frustrating scenario for various, less obvious reasons. First of all, I would have never even been that concerned about the party if it hadn't been suggested that a ride would be taken care of. Second of all, I didn't follow up as quickly as I should have and if I did I would have a ride. Lastly, I am just bummed that I can't go to clubs and things anymore...It isn't fun being the one who lives far away from everyone and can't do anything fun.

  I know life has changed for a lot of my other friends who graduated, but many of them live close to one another at least...I am at least an hour away from any of my good friends and I am pregnant so I feel as if my situation is 10 times worse. Also, going to school in the city for the past 5 years I am not much of a driver so I am still in the process of learning to drive well enough to go wherever I want to go so there is a compounded stuck feeling. Basically I am bored, broke, lonely, stranded, frustrated, unsure about my future...And that is just the tip of the iceberg.

Granted, I feel blessed in many ways. I know this baby and I have a lot in store for us and I know I will be successful. The road getting there is going to be a rough one and I am kind of scared. The thing is, I am not moving at all right now. I am just chilling on the side of the road waiting for the time to get back on. 

I don't know if this is right. Should I be doing more now? If so what? I don't have a short term plan, a long term plan...I have ideas but maybe that isn't enough. 

I need to get my life together. I need to make a list of all the lists I need to make and then make them...

Motivation, please come back!

-85 Days Until Baby

86 Days Until Baby

Today

88 & 87 Days Until Baby

The days are far from flying by. In fact I have been in somewhat of a funk for maybe 3 or 4 days now. I am not quite sure what it is, probably just restlessness but I am just kind of blah.

So right now my schedule is far from exciting. I spend a lot of time on the computer or watching TV. The past few days I just don't feel like it. That's not that surprising though, obviously anyone would get bored of that after a while but I don't feel like doing anything else either. Our library was having a big booksale the other day and I bought a few books. I have been trying to read the same book and even though it seems interesting after like 4 pages I put it down.  I'm already bored with writing this post!

I think I might feel better soon though, I finally got a new phone. It is nothing too fancy, but it is nice. I like it. My old phone wasn't getting service so I hadn't talked to any of my friends in a while. Reconnecting will definitely help as far as sanity goes!

I also have a few projects to keep me busy. I have to finish my registry ASAP as shower invites are going out soon. I have decided to plant some flowers in front of my house so I have to research and pick out and plant and all of that stuff. It was also decided that instead of sharing a room with the baby I will have the room across the hall and she will have the one I am in now. This means I have to put both rooms together and make them homey and liveable. 

Tomorrow my big project will be washing my dirty Jeep. Hopefully it will be nice out and I can work on my tan as well :)

Tomorrow is definitely going to be a better day. I've decided, so it's official!

-87 Days Until Baby

90 & 89 Days Until Baby

Today is the laziest day of my life.

I am too lazy to write this post.

Too lazy to tell you about my new car seat and stroller.

Too lazy to tell you about my crazy smoking dream.

Too lazy to tell you how the baby moved in crazy ways.

Too lazy to tell you about what a terrible grand daughter I am.

Too lazy to do much else but sleep.

Today was a yucky, miserable, LAZY day.

-89 Days Until Baby