Halloween Party #1 = Disaster

Okay, okay...Maybe disaster is a slight exaggeration but it was not a great success.

I have told y'all before about the area playgroup that we finally got the chance to check out last week. Today they were hosting a Halloween party and I thought it would be a good opportunity to meet a bunch of the moms at one time.

As they say, that's what I get for thinkin'.

As I trace my steps all the way back to last night I should have seen the warning signs that the day would not go as planned (does it ever?). 

Gems did not want to go to sleep. She was fine in my arms but would start fussing when I would move and especially when I laid her down. She had been going to sleep around midnight pretty consistently, which I thought was late until last night. She didn't finally settle until 1:30 a.m.

She must have worn herself out, because when I woke to my alarm at 7:40 she was STILL asleep (and in her own crib too!) I laid in bed for a while contemplating whether I should sleep longer and enjoy my good fortune (and avoid the cold, it was rainy and icky out!) or head to the Halloween party as originally planned.

Eventually exhaustion won out and I decided to cancel and got out of bed to do so (there is an online RSVP system), but by the time I had checked my email and everything I was feeling a little bit more awake so I changed my mind again and decided to go to the party.

Luckily, it was one of those mornings where getting ready goes really smoothly. Gemma cooed and smiled and was just in a good mood. She didn't fuss at all when I put her in her car seat or anything. I hate to say this but she was so good it was like it wasn't even my baby! 

I stopped to get gas on the way and that is where it started to go slightly downhill. 

Apparently my credit card was expired so I had to lug the car seat into the gas station to pre-pay for the gas. Then, I realized I had pulled up to the pump on the wrong side (how, I have no clue, I have been driving the same Jeep for months) and had to turn around. While I was turning around some woman pulled up to the pump I had paid at (of course!) and got out of her car. I awkwardly stopped and explained to her what happened. She looked at me like I was a complete idiot but moved her car. 

Then, I realized that I didn't have the side dish I had signed up to bring so I lugged the car seat back into the gas station and grabbed a $4 bag of chips (am I being cheap or does that seem pricey?) and decided if nothing else I could just smile and say something about being a new mom and hope that would excuse the chips :)

Finally, I was on my way again. I only got "lost" once, which actually isn't bad for me when I am using MapQuest directions :) 

When I got to the church is when my morning turned from silly bad to awkward bad. I think I prefer silly bad.

For some reason every social skill I have cultivated in the past 23 years completely escaped me at this party. I  reverted to the awkward 12 year old sitting in the corner waiting for someone to come talk to me (Yes, I was that kid. Don't feel bad for me though, it was only for like 6 months!). The only difference was this time I had an adorable baby dressed like a mouse sitting on my lap.

A couple of times women initiated conversations with me. My brain would blank and the completely wrong thing would come out. I think I even mentioned the vaccinations Gemma had earlier this week.

 In a room full of middle class moms.

 Not the best conversation starter. More like a "can you please let me out of this before all hell breaks loose" conversation killer. 

After tackling the uber-uncomfortable situation of,  "Where do I nurse this baby in a room full of people who I desperately want to make a good first impression on?"  (the only other mom nursing at that time was in a chair at the end of the table, all of these tables were full and I didn't want to feed her at the table since everyone was eating and it felt...wrong), with absolutely no grace (I pretty much went to a chair at the far corner of the room, the place where I was probably most noticeable to those trying to enjoy their spinach dip...I felt like I was on stage at a dinner theater), I decided to cut my losses and head home.

And then I got lost.

In West Virginia.

Oooo, what a day!

69 Days Until Baby

Today is Father's Day.

We went to my grandfather's house... Had a cookout.

Thank God for my Dad. He really is my rock and the most stable part of my life. If it weren't for him Lord knows where I would be...

-69 Days Until Baby

97 & 96 Days Until Baby

Memorial Day weekend. I think it is safe to say that I have consumed more than my fair share of barbecued sauced meats in the past 2 days. Ugh. I have the heartburn to prove it too! But yum, barbecue!

Life is okay. Pretty much the same day by day. Yesterday, at 97 days until baby, I had a sort of emotional breakdown of sorts. I confessed to my dad how not ready I feel for all of the changes that are happening in my life. How unsure I am about my future. How useless I feel right now. How I miss having purpose. How I miss having friends.  I don't think the feelings are always there, just sometimes. I also don't think they have gone away. To some extent I feel what I am feeling is probably normal for all expectant parents. The feeling are probably exacerbated by the fact that this was so far away from my plan. I saw so much in my future and now all of that has to change.

That's not to say I am not excited about what is to come. I have been feeling Baby a lot the past couple days. It is so reassuring. I find myself reading into her personality by her movements. She's not much of a kicker...more of a mover and occasional poker. I am assuming that means she will be more laid back. I really can't wait to meet her, even though she still seems unreal. She will be so loved. That is pretty much the only thing in the future I am sure of. 

I need to work on finding a name for her. I still LOVE Gemma, but my dad hates it and his opinion means too much for me to ignore. If he didn't love it it would be one thing, but he hates it and that is something different entirely. Every time I try to look at names the same 5 names stick out to me and I don't really find anything else. 

Oh, I was thinking I want to include segments in this blog...Like T.V. Tuesdays or something like that, so I can have more than these stream of consciousness posts. I am going to think of something and then let you know.

Today may not be T.V. Tuesday but it was the premier of Jon and Kate Plus 8! So at 22 I am far too young to be excited about this, but with all of the surrounding media scandal, I must admit, I was curious. Watching it I became so sad. They made a lot of money and yes, that will be a huge benefit to their children but they lost each other. Their children lost parents who love each other. I guess being single and pregnant I see such a value in having those family roles (not that everyone doesn't see that value, but you know what I mean) and it is just sad to see what they have traded for the money that fame brought.

On that note ;)

-96 Days Until Baby