Memorial Day weekend. I think it is safe to say that I have consumed more than my fair share of barbecued sauced meats in the past 2 days. Ugh. I have the heartburn to prove it too! But yum, barbecue!
Life is okay. Pretty much the same day by day. Yesterday, at 97 days until baby, I had a sort of emotional breakdown of sorts. I confessed to my dad how not ready I feel for all of the changes that are happening in my life. How unsure I am about my future. How useless I feel right now. How I miss having purpose. How I miss having friends. I don't think the feelings are always there, just sometimes. I also don't think they have gone away. To some extent I feel what I am feeling is probably normal for all expectant parents. The feeling are probably exacerbated by the fact that this was so far away from my plan. I saw so much in my future and now all of that has to change.
That's not to say I am not excited about what is to come. I have been feeling Baby a lot the past couple days. It is so reassuring. I find myself reading into her personality by her movements. She's not much of a kicker...more of a mover and occasional poker. I am assuming that means she will be more laid back. I really can't wait to meet her, even though she still seems unreal. She will be so loved. That is pretty much the only thing in the future I am sure of.
I need to work on finding a name for her. I still LOVE Gemma, but my dad hates it and his opinion means too much for me to ignore. If he didn't love it it would be one thing, but he hates it and that is something different entirely. Every time I try to look at names the same 5 names stick out to me and I don't really find anything else.
Oh, I was thinking I want to include segments in this blog...Like T.V. Tuesdays or something like that, so I can have more than these stream of consciousness posts. I am going to think of something and then let you know.
Today may not be T.V. Tuesday but it was the premier of Jon and Kate Plus 8! So at 22 I am far too young to be excited about this, but with all of the surrounding media scandal, I must admit, I was curious. Watching it I became so sad. They made a lot of money and yes, that will be a huge benefit to their children but they lost each other. Their children lost parents who love each other. I guess being single and pregnant I see such a value in having those family roles (not that everyone doesn't see that value, but you know what I mean) and it is just sad to see what they have traded for the money that fame brought.
On that note ;)
-96 Days Until Baby