I am going to apologize in advance for the melancholy tone of this post...and the others for the past week or so. Maybe it is the rain. I don't know. Yesterday, I was feeling better but then today it just seems like another setback.
So earlier in the week I was determined to reconnect with my friends, even though at this point my phone still wasn't working, so I sent out a few emails. My friend SQ responded and suggested that I should come to the BBQ alot of my friends are going to and said I could carpool with someone. I responded letting her know I was interested and pretty much assumed it was as good as planned.
I never got a follow up email so today I figured I would text SQ to see what was up with the plans. She suggested two of our mutual friends that I could get a ride with, saying the first would definitely do it. I texted and called the first suggested friend and go no response, so I texted her back to see what she thought and see how she was getting there. Apparently, a huge group of my friends all decided to leave tonight so that they could go out to some club tonight something I obviously can't do. I called friend number two that she suggested and she said she had a tight schedule tommorrow but would call me in an hour or hour and a half and let me know something... It has been three hours.
This is a frustrating scenario for various, less obvious reasons. First of all, I would have never even been that concerned about the party if it hadn't been suggested that a ride would be taken care of. Second of all, I didn't follow up as quickly as I should have and if I did I would have a ride. Lastly, I am just bummed that I can't go to clubs and things anymore...It isn't fun being the one who lives far away from everyone and can't do anything fun.
I know life has changed for a lot of my other friends who graduated, but many of them live close to one another at least...I am at least an hour away from any of my good friends and I am pregnant so I feel as if my situation is 10 times worse. Also, going to school in the city for the past 5 years I am not much of a driver so I am still in the process of learning to drive well enough to go wherever I want to go so there is a compounded stuck feeling. Basically I am bored, broke, lonely, stranded, frustrated, unsure about my future...And that is just the tip of the iceberg.
Granted, I feel blessed in many ways. I know this baby and I have a lot in store for us and I know I will be successful. The road getting there is going to be a rough one and I am kind of scared. The thing is, I am not moving at all right now. I am just chilling on the side of the road waiting for the time to get back on.
I don't know if this is right. Should I be doing more now? If so what? I don't have a short term plan, a long term plan...I have ideas but maybe that isn't enough.
I need to get my life together. I need to make a list of all the lists I need to make and then make them...
Motivation, please come back!
-85 Days Until Baby