Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that just proves that this exercise is going to push me out of my comfort zone. Maybe.
Or maybe I just don't want to admit that I have done absolutely nothing on the self improvement front in the past week.
Things I have done in the past week include:
- Witness a drug bust at my neighbor's house.
- Rescue and rehome a litter of kittens.
Gemma'sbirthday party hall, and make a list of things left to do/buy.
- Watch everything on my DVR.
- Began cleaning a spare room and shopping for what will become
Things I didn't do this week:
- Send a very important fax.
- Go to the gym and/or eat right.
- Seriously consider where I want to be professionally in the future.
- Make up a game plan for life in general.
- Or anything else that was productive to my future.
The problem is, I really feel like all I need to do is put one foot in front of the other in the direction that I want to go, but since I have no idea where I want to go, I just stand here...spinning in circles...digging my hole (err, rut) deeper.
Where is this lifeplan at? I've done some soul searching, and I've come up empty. I just want to love and be loved and be surrounded by beautiful things like everyone else in the world...how does that translate into reality? Into a future? Into my future?
What am I to do when I keep digging deeper and deeper and yet I still come up empty handed?
There is a crude expression that I grew up hearing...basically it's poo or get off the pot (I don't need to translate, do I?) The thing is, I don't want to get off of my proverbial pot. I don't want to stop here...just me and the baby, living at home, with a job that's okay I guess...
What can I do?
Where can I go?
I keep telling myself that there is time, but each time I say it now, it seems like more and more of a lie.
So I guess I will sit here, and hope it comes (ewww) before life forces me off the pot ...