Monday, August 2, 2010

Me Me Me Monday-2

I'm already not looking forward to this post.

Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that just proves that this exercise is going to push me out of my comfort zone. Maybe.

Or maybe I just don't want to admit that I have done absolutely nothing on the self improvement front in the past week.

Things I have done in the past week include:
  • Witness a drug bust at my neighbor's house.
  • Rescue and rehome a litter of kittens.
  • Tour Gemma's birthday party hall, and make a list of things left to do/buy.
  • Watch everything on my DVR.
  • Began cleaning a spare room and shopping for what will become Gemma's playroom.
See. No self improvement there.

Things I didn't do this week:
  • Send a very important fax.
  • Go to the gym and/or eat right.
  • Seriously consider where I want to be professionally in the future.
  • Make up a game plan for life in general.
  • Or anything else that was productive to my future.
I think I am slowly sinking into a rut. Or maybe, I am just now looking up at the world and realizing that I'm already in a rut. It's okay though, I think it is only human to get to these places, I just really need to get myself out.

The problem is, I really feel like all I need to do is put one foot in front of the other in the direction that I want to go, but since I have no idea where I want to go, I just stand here...spinning in circles...digging my hole (err, rut) deeper.

Where is this lifeplan at? I've done some soul searching, and I've come up empty. I just want to love and be loved and be surrounded by beautiful things like everyone else in the does that translate into reality? Into a future? Into my future?

What am I to do when I keep digging deeper and deeper and yet I still come up empty handed?

There is a crude expression that I grew up hearing...basically it's poo or get off the pot (I don't need to translate, do I?) The thing is, I don't want to get off of my proverbial pot. I don't want to stop here...just me and the baby, living at home, with a job that's okay I guess...

What can I do?

Where can I go?

I keep telling myself that there is time, but each time I say it now, it seems like more and more of a lie.

So I guess I will sit here, and hope it comes (ewww) before life forces me off the pot ...


  1. I am sure you must be overwhelmed by your life right now. And there are lots of people out there that read your blog but are not quite sure what to say to you here. I hate not seeing any other comments here so I'll try and take a stab at it!

    Maybe you could start working on a 5 year plan? Start jotting ideas down. Much is dependent on the kind of job you want for yourself and the income you can generate which will help determine where you live etc...and Gemma will be getting older and not require as much time. I know you went to college....that is probably where you should start as to the best field for you. Will you need additional training?
    You are still very much at the very beginning of this new path your life turned on. Anyone who has done what you have so far is extremely capable. And success will come to you because you have focus.
    I don't mean to be preachy. I just want to be encouraging....You have a lot to offer!

  2. good luck to you! I just go from day to day