Me Me Me Monday-2

I'm already not looking forward to this post.

Maybe that's a good thing. Maybe that just proves that this exercise is going to push me out of my comfort zone. Maybe.

Or maybe I just don't want to admit that I have done absolutely nothing on the self improvement front in the past week.

Things I have done in the past week include:

• Witness a drug bust at my neighbor's house.
• Rescue and rehome a litter of kittens.
• Tour Gemma's birthday party hall, and make a list of things left to do/buy.
• Watch everything on my DVR.
• Began cleaning a spare room and shopping for what will become Gemma's playroom.

See. No self improvement there.

Things I didn't do this week:

• Send a very important fax.
• Go to the gym and/or eat right.
• Seriously consider where I want to be professionally in the future.
• Make up a game plan for life in general.
• Or anything else that was productive to my future.

I think I am slowly sinking into a rut. Or maybe, I am just now looking up at the world and realizing that I'm already in a rut. It's okay though, I think it is only human to get to these places, I just really need to get myself out.

The problem is, I really feel like all I need to do is put one foot in front of the other in the direction that I want to go, but since I have no idea where I want to go, I just stand here...spinning in circles...digging my hole (err, rut) deeper.

Where is this lifeplan at? I've done some soul searching, and I've come up empty. I just want to love and be loved and be surrounded by beautiful things like everyone else in the world...how does that translate into reality? Into a future? Into my future?

What am I to do when I keep digging deeper and deeper and yet I still come up empty handed?

There is a crude expression that I grew up hearing...basically it's poo or get off the pot (I don't need to translate, do I?) The thing is, I don't want to get off of my proverbial pot. I don't want to stop here...just me and the baby, living at home, with a job that's okay I guess...

What can I do?

Where can I go?

I keep telling myself that there is time, but each time I say it now, it seems like more and more of a lie.

So I guess I will sit here, and hope it comes (ewww) before life forces me off the pot ...