Today was one of those days for me.
Literally and figuratively.
Gems has been having a hard time adjusting to our vacation-ish life. Long car rides, abnormal sleep schedules, and new surrounding are apparently not her thing. She's fussed and cried her way through significant chunks of time the past few days, and, as awful as this sounds, I have missed the couple of hour break each day that working part time affords me.
Again, this is going to sound awful, but I am looking at my life like how in the heck did I get here? Even scarier, there is a small part of me that is nagging how in the heck can I get out of this?
I'm not sure that I am ready for diapers, and schedules, and being held hostage for a baby to be able to eat/sleep/play in a way that is safe/sound/secure. Chasing around a child drives me wild, and goodness gracious can't I get a friggin' second to breathe?!?! Is that so much to ask for?!?!
Apparently as a single mom, it is too much to ask for.
I miss my life. I miss friends. I miss fun. I miss music. I miss boys. I miss clothes. I miss sleep. I miss jokes. I miss road trips. I miss parties. I miss school. I miss me. I miss my life.
I miss the life I should be living. Maybe, that is what I miss most of all.
Actually, I know that is what I miss most of all.
I should be living in an apartment with friends. Buying a car. Establishing a career. Going to happy hour.
This is not my life! Who am I? Whose life is this?
I took a picture today...me, my sister, and Gemma.
My hair was a mess. No makeup. Ill fitting clothes. Jeans at least 2 sizes bigger than before. My skin is a wreck. My confidence is non-existent.
I totally get the infomercials now.
That person is gross. I that person. I am gross.
And so over my new life.
And I am the only one to blame...