Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Things that Keep Me Up at Night

  • Contemplating what I want to do in the future professionally, and what steps I need to take to get there.
  • Being anxious about the time that I am wasting because I can't take any steps towards my future, because I really have no clue what I want to do.
  • Wondering if I will ever be able to get myself out of stupid debt, that I can barely account for.
  • Feeling insecure about my body, and the way I present myself to the world.
  • Hoping I am not stuck living at home forever.
  • Being afraid of what happens when you die.
  • Not feeling capable of protecting Gemma from...life.
  • Wishing I could better manage my time.
  • Fretting over a messy house.
  • Thinking I may never get married, that I may never find "the one."
  • Missing friends.
  • Wanting new friends.
  • Shame.
  • Trying to figure out how I got here.
  • Making mental lists of things I want to do, need to do, should have done, could have done, and all variations.
I am out of sorts. But she holds me together. I know this will pass. The thoughts and feelings will change. I am riding it out now. Somehow, even with all of these thoughts, I am happy.

I consider her, and I sleep.

What keeps you up at night?


  1. The not feeling capable of protecting Merritt from life is a big one for me. The baby isn't even 8 months old and I'm already worried about bullies!

    Kacie, I've never met you, but your words are amazing. I hope you know that you should feel such pride about what a wonderful Momma you are!

  2. I'm not afraid of dying per se, but I am worry myself sick thinking about what would happen to my son if I died suddenly.

    I used to worry about friends too, both missing them and wanting new ones, but I finally just gave it up and started focusing on myself and I discovered that I was much happier not thinking about it. :)

    Take care,

  3. I worry about me dying too, and what would happen to Spencer if I died. I can't really think about it because it makes me sick to my stomach. And I worry about her all the time- keeping her safe, keeping her healthy, etc. I feel like I'm worried about something all time. ugh.

  4. Almost every single thing you listed keep me up at night, too. If I'd made it a list, it'd be almost identical to yours. Which is just crazy to me... I feel so alone so often that it's a wonder to me that someone else, that I've never met, shares my EXACT thoughts.

  5. Almost everything you listed and a few other things keep me up night. Like, I'll think about things I want to make but then I forget by morning.

  6. What keeps me up at night is fearing court.
    I'm a single mommy as well and will soon be going to court to fight all that comes with it. custody,visits, etc... ughhh

    Thing will eventually fall into place. Just have hope. =)