On the Last Day of April 2010

Stole this from Shelby at the Hollands.

And I just realized I forgot the first question.

Ooops!

The time is...
7:24 p.m.

Today I feel...
a little bummed that I have to work this weekend.

I am thinking...
that I need to make a doctors appointment. That I worry too much. That I wanna go home and smush my baby.

At the moment, I am thankful...
for having a loving (if dysfunctional) family.

I am going...
nowhere fast? Jay Kay, Jak Kay. I am going to have to do some more soul searching soon.

I am wearing...
a gray tee shirt, with a patterned tank top underneath, black dress pants, and red flats with a bow.

I wish...
I could fall in love with a career path. And a man. Yes, both...I'm greedy.

I am reading...
not much that isn't online lately, I am embarassed to admit. I should bring a book to work with me, but the computer is so darn tempting (I try to really limit internet when I am home!)

I am working on...
figuring out where to start working...

I am hoping...
this weekend goes by smoothly, and that I am able to make the best of it.

I am hearing...
only the hum of the computer and the clack of my typing.

Around the house...
needs some attention A.S.A.P.

I bet you didn't know...
that I just ordered a bunch of (cheap) make up online, that I still can't afford.

One of my favorite...
CD's albums ever was Country Grammar by Nelly.

What are you up to today?

Like a Hawk

I have admitted before, that I don't know a lot about babies. I'd find specific examples for you but...well, I'm lazy.

The funny thing I have learned about being a mom (well, one of the funny things) is that you really don't have to know that much about babies. Because you learn. You figure it out. You read a book. You follow your instincts. You take advice. It works.

So, in my combined reading/instincts/figuring out, I have decided that I want to make sure to let Gemma explore as much of the world as she safely can.

Basically, I let her play with random stuff, that isn't her toys. But that is still safe. It's a win-win situation because she is excited to play with something new, and I don't have to go find an actual toy.

(Spoiler Alert! The above is not really a declaration of a parenting choice, but instead preemptive justification for the events that follow.)

Well yesterday, I was in my room. trying to make it through the ginormous laundry basket that is Gemma's crib, when I heard a knock at the door.

The new debit card, that I had ordered came.

I grab the card and go back upstairs. I return  to Mount Laundry, and Gemma is playing happily with the big envelope the card came in.

A few minutes later I hear...

choking.

Oh, sh*t! Craaaaaaaap.

Her face is red. She looks scared.

I'm scared.

I run down the stairs.

Why am I downstairs?

She's still choking.

I stick my hand in her mouth.

Wait, aren't I not supposed to do that? Something about scratching her throat or something.

Craaaaaaaap.

She's still choking.

I pulled my hand out, panicked, and look...

A strip of the paper is stuck to the roof her mouth, and she is gagging. I scoop the paper out with my finger (gently).

She returns to normal. Crisis averted.

Two hours later...

I give Gemma a plastic block. She's playing happily on my bed. I sit on the edge of the bed, facing out, straightening my hair.

I hear squeals of laughter. I turn around, thinking she must really love that block.

She has the laptop cord. In her mouth.

Craaaaaaaap.

Lessons learned:

1. Don't let baby chew on cardboard.
2. Even idiots know not to let babies chew on cardboard.
3. I really should have known better, than to let her chew on cardboard.
4. Unnattended laptop cords can be just as dangerous a cardboard.
5. Now that she is more mobile, I have to watch her like a hawk...especially around cardboard.

Does anybody else remember when their baby first started getting into trouble? Or does anyone else have a cardboard horror story to share?

Guilty Inquiring minds want to know.

Happy 8 Months Gemma

Happy 8 months pretty baby! This month has been such a sweet time with you. I have enjoyed it so much. You are the sweetest, silliest, funniest human being I have ever met. 

Ever.

You are a huge ham, and literally break out into a HUGE smile whenever the camera comes out. Unless you are concentrating hard on something else, which you tend to do. I think concentrating is your second favorite thing in life, just after smiling.

Again, I am at a loss to say what really stood out for me about this month. We just started baby swim today! That was fun! Also, the weather is finally warming up (sometimes), so I am able to take you outside a lot more. It is interesting for me to see how you interact with new surroundings. I enjoy seeing your face light up when the breeze blows, or seeing you raise your eyebrows at an animal scurrying by, or even your awkward uncomfortable-ness (yes, I'm mean), when I plopped you in the grass sans blanket for the first time. Many moms have said this before, but I like seeing you, see the world.

Down to the nitty-gritty stuff, that probably only I care about...

You sleep good at night. We still co-sleep, and I am okay with that. You nap well enough. Usually, either in the car on someone's lap. You aren't the kind of baby that you can plop down and they fall asleep. I am pretty sure I am the one to blame, and again, I'm okay with that.

You are definitely not loving the Excersaucer as much as you used to. You are at a strange in between stage, where you want to explore the world, but you still don't want to leave mama's lap. It is endearing and frustrating at the same time. I think you get frustrated too, because, come on... there is only so much you can do on my lap!

When you are on the ground, you roll all over. You can also sit up pretty well, and you don't fall over when you get excited. You aren't crawling, but that's cool. All in your own time, right?

You have grown so much recently, I can hardly believe you are the same baby sometimes. You are huge. Well…to me at least! I have no idea how much you weigh anymore, but I would guess…18-20 pounds? That seems right. You are tall too. I am buying all of your clothes in 6-12, 9 month, or 12 month sizes. I especially need the larger sizes for your pants and sleepers. You are seriously long legged.

Your diapers are still size 3. I like the diapers from Costco. Cuz they're cheap.

I swear the moment I started giving you solid food is when you started to grow so much. I know that they say that the first 6 months of solids are mainly just for practice in eating, but I think you have grown so much more in the months that you have been on them. Maybe it is just a coincidence?

You have tried pretty much every baby food in a jar. I had high hopes of making all of your babyfood myself, and then one day I read the ingredients on a jar of food…it said sweet potatoes and water. After that, I gave myself permission to feed you jar food, although I do always read the labels. You also eat random chunks of fruit (like cantelope slices), bits of other things I am eating that are baby friendly, baby mum mums, formula, and you still nurse 2-3 times a day. So yeah…you eat a lot.

Your hair is growing longer and thicker by the day. It wisps up around your ears, and you still have an extra long strip of down the middle of your head. I am excited to see what color it will be, it is so hard to tell with baby hair. I am pretty sure it is lighter than mine.

Your eyes are lighter too, and they still aren't completely brown. Still, still changing?

Oh, and you still only have two teeth. I love your little teeth.

Except when they are digging into the side of my face. One of your favorite games is to grab me by the hair, and pull my face to you so that you can bite it. Yes, it is just as painful as it sounds. Could you please stop that? I try to move away but I get outsmarted by an infant. Seriously.

Physical abuse aside, I love, love, love being your mama. It is an honor and a privilege. I only hope that I can be the mama that you deserve in the months and years to come. 

Every step of the way, I am excited to see you grow, and watch how you change me too. You make me better, stronger, smarter, happier, and maybe even more beautiful.

You really are my precious Gem.

Forever and Always,

Mama

                                                    

                  

Just to Hear Myself Type

Hey y'all!

If you are looking for anything of substance, please click away! I have been up to a, "whole lotta nothing," as we like to say around here. Or maybe everywhere...does everybody say that?

I did not have to work this weekend so of course...it rained. Well, in all honesty it rained Saturday, but Sunday was a nice day. Gemma and I went shopping for bathing suits.

The horror...I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't that. Bathing suit shopping for myself ended up being much harder than I had expected. Maybe that will be the reality check that I need to really get myself into shape.

There is no excuse for the way I look right now.

None.

On a more positive note, I lost my debit card. Oh wait, that isn't positive either. Actually it sucks. Seriously...I lose eeeeverrrrryyyyyy thing. And it needs to stop. ASAP.

How's a girl to online shop without a debit card?

Are you still reading this mess? As I said, today...I've got nothing.

But tomorrow, Water Babies starts AND Gemma turns 8 months old...

So maybe tomorrow, I will have something.

=)

Getting to Know ME...Some More

I have been suffering from a serious case of bloggers block since mid-last week, so I thought that participating in Getting to Know You, at the MannLand5 might help remedy it. Plus, I was probably going to do it anyway!

1. If you could star in any movie genre..what would it be..romance..horror..comedy..suspense or action?

Romantic Comedy. I like to laugh. And I need a boyfriend.

2. Do you recycle?

Well, when I am out, and it is right in my face. I don't have a recycling system set up at home though.         I suck.

3. Have you ever been to a strip club?

Um, yes actually. I live sort of close to West Virginia, and when I was 18-20, the strip clubs in West Virginia were the only local "clubs" that I could get into, if I wanted to go out. You had/have to be 21 for all of the regular clubs. Did I mention that in West Virginia the strip clubs are full nude? 

I am not proud of myself.

4. Do you have a nickname?

Yes! I have a whole bunch of silly nicknames that wouldn't mean anything to anyone except the people who call me them. I don't have a shortened version of my name that I prefer to go by though.

5. What's a name you can't stand to be called?

Umm...Uhh...Pass?

6. What are your Summer staples?

I would probably say... Iced tea, flip flops, and air conditioning. I'm low maintenance.

7. What was the last thing you bought for yourself?

Technically, it was a chicken tostada at Taco Bell :/, but that is pretty boring. I actually spent more money on myself today than I probably have in months...I bought a pair of Bermuda shorts, a pair of boyfriend crops,  two t-shirts, a bathing suit, and a pair of board shorts. I also bought myself two pairs of flats at K Mart someplace real fancy, yesterday.

8. Are you happy with your boob size?

Not really. It is kind of shallow, but I definitely wish I was a little...fuller.

Let's hope that did the trick, and the blogger's block will go away and I can come back to my post crazy self. 

Take care y'all and enjoy what is left of your weekend!

Things that Keep Me Up at Night

• Contemplating what I want to do in the future professionally, and what steps I need to take to get there.
• Being anxious about the time that I am wasting because I can't take any steps towards my future, because I really have no clue what I want to do.
• Wondering if I will ever be able to get myself out of stupid debt, that I can barely account for.
• Feeling insecure about my body, and the way I present myself to the world.
• Hoping I am not stuck living at home forever.
• Being afraid of what happens when you die.
• Not feeling capable of protecting Gemma from...life.
• Wishing I could better manage my time.
• Fretting over a messy house.
• Thinking I may never get married, that I may never find "the one."
• Missing friends.
• Wanting new friends.
• Shame.
• Trying to figure out how I got here.
• Making mental lists of things I want to do, need to do, should have done, could have done, and all variations.

I am out of sorts. But she holds me together. I know this will pass. The thoughts and feelings will change. I am riding it out now. Somehow, even with all of these thoughts, I am happy.

I consider her, and I sleep.

What keeps you up at night?

First, I Would Like to Thank Jesus...

I won an award! Thank you so much,  I Love You to the Moon Mommy! I have recently found her blog, and love reading about her and her Fairy Princess.

The rules of this particular award are:

1. Copy and paste the award on your blog.
2. List who gave the award to you and use a link to her/his blog (or hyperlink).
3. List 10 things that make you happy
4. Pass the award on to other bloggers and visit their blog to let them know about the award.
 

My list of things that make me happy (in no particular order):

1. Weekends off of work.
2. Naps (both mine and Gemma's are quite nice.)
3. Festivals and Fairs. Games, rides, greasy food...what more could a girl want?
4. Being barefoot.
5. Aimless walks with good friends.
6. A clean house.
7. Chocolate covered frozen bananas.
8. Kittens and most other cute wittle baby animals.
9. Winning. (most of the time, of course, its not always a good thing.)
10. Unexpected kindness.

And now, to pass it on. Crap. I hate this part of awards, just because I never know who to pick. What if they don't "do" awards? And what if they don't like me? Crap!

Hmm....Well if growing up in a broken home has taught me anything, it is that love is conditional (I'm joking I promise, but I needed a segue...)  so this is what I will do. I have 3 questions that have been weighing heavily on my mind, and if you comment with an answer, you can take the award. Because you make me happy. And you deserve it. And I know if I say, "whoever wants the award, take it, " no one will take the award, because who really wants an award they didn't earn. Right?

Can you tell I am tired today?

So, my 3 conditions questions:

1. Gemma is almost 8 months old, and I realize I haven't been giving her as many finger foods as I should. Do you have any suggestions for things that make good finger foods?
2. I need a pair of black flats and a camera case. Any links to cute suggestions online?
3. Every weeknight, I work from 5-9. Thanks to this strange schedule, my eating patterns have gone crazy. So, if you were me, what times would you eat? I usually wake up around 8 or so, and I am a 3 meals a day kind of girl...for some reason, I just can't figure it out! Also, do you have any ideas for dinners that can be thrown together really quickly and easily, when I get home at night?

Thanks for your help y'all! And I realize #2 and #3 are both two questions in one, so if you answer any part of them, feel free to take the award. Or really, if you are reading this, you can just take the award...but I am pretty sure you won't do that...right?

Getting to Know ME!

It's Sunday, and I am participating once again in Getting to Know You at MannLand5.  You should play along too!

This button isn't the Getting to Know you button, but I am on a work computer so all I can do is copy and paste! It's cute anyway right?

This Weeks Q&A

1. Mens chests..hairy or hairless?

Well definitely not wolverine hairy. I prefer less hair, but I can deal with some...just not too much.

2. How often do you run red lights?

Never. Ever. I am way too much of paranoid driver for that! I drive like your grandma, but even more old lady like.

3. If you could raid any celebrity's closet..whose would you raid?

I actually thought really hard about this question. My first thought was they would have to be short, because this could totally happen and I wouldn't want to waste my time in Heidi Klum's (first tall chick I could think of!) closet, right? So I think I would want to raid the closets of Lilly Allen, Kim Kardashian, and Reese Witherspoon. Weird combo right? They are all 5'2" like me! Although our bodies are shaped a little bit  completely differently. But at least I wouldn't trip over their jeans =)

4. Would you rather have more followers/friends on Facebook, Twitter, or your Blog?

Ooh, tough question. My facebook is pretty much reserve for "in real life" friends, so if I were adding new friends I would want them to be on facebook...because I need more real friends in my hometown ! If the friends would just be internet friend, I would prefer to have more followers on my blog. Because I like feeling popular...Again, because I need more real friends!

I have a Twitter, but only because I signed up for it eons ago, when my brother was like, "You should check this Twitter thing out, it's going to be huge!" I signed up, didn't like it, thought he was completely wrong because this Twitter thing sucked, and forgot about it. A year later (give or take months, I have no idea how long it really was!) Twitter was huge, but I refuse to go crawling back. (For now at least. If I change my mind, you can't hold this against me!)

5. What makes you feel sexy?

I believe that sexiness is a state of mind and freshly shaved legs.

6. I get excited when...........?

I get a package in the mail!

7. Are you the "outdoorsy" type or more "indoorsy"?

If I have to be honest, probably indoorsy. I like the outdoors, bugs don't freak me out or anything, but I like controlled climate. And I can be lazy. Working on that though.

8. Would you rather have your dream home or a million dollars?

A million dollars. No contest.

Welp, there you have it, another edition of Getting to Know ME!

Five Question Friday

I'm at work, which means I am blogging and since it is Friday and the phones are extra slow, I thought I would double post today, and participate in Five Question Friday at Five Crooked Halos.

If you want to read  about the new toy I bought, click here.

1. What words do you use on your blog/online that you don't use in real life?

Hmm...I don't use the term ladies as much in real life. (i.e. "thanks ladies!") Other thank that, I really don't know.

2. Do you still write checks?

I'm 23. I have never really written checks. Now, if for some crazy reason I need to use a check, I borrow one from my dad!

3. Who was your favorite President and why?

Clinton, all the way. He was so.freaking.cool.

4. Are you a yeller?

I can be, but generally, I don't get that mad ...

5. Have you ever dumpster dived?
 
Nope. I can't say the opportunity (?) has ever presented itself.
 
Whoa-Whee (I wouldn't say that in real life!) those are some facinating answers, right?
 
Right?
 
Are you with me???
 
Maybe not...Oh, well!

Oh, Snap!

I took this picture of Gemma last night. It was 10:38 p.m. I am pretty sure she should have been sleeping. I am also pretty sure that I should have been helping her go to sleep...not taking her picture.

In other picture related news....

I got my first DSLR today! I am super excited about it. I could insert way more exclamation points, but I am trying to work on my insanely abundant use of them (yes, I am aware that I over-do it!) (<---see)

I have wanted a DSLR...well, since I have been blogging to be honest. Unfortunately, I haven't really been able to justify the cost.

Today was my lucky day though, because I was in Walmart, (shopping for groceries, or formula, or shampoo, or something else I forgot to buy because I was so excited about finding this camera!), and I happened my way into the electronics department where they were having a huge sale on items that had been used as display models. I wasn't planning on buying anything at all, I was just sort of looking around, but I found a Canon Rebel XT with a lens kit for $194!!!

I couldn't justify not buying it.

So I did.

And now I am excited.

I won't get to play with my new toy much until next week, because I am working all weekend, but I guess you gotta make money if you are going to spend it right?

Take care and enjoy the weekend!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Da Da

When I picked Gemma up from the babysitter's house on Monday, there was big news. Gemma had learned a new "word."

Da Da.

Gulp.

Now, I know Gemma wasn't calling out for her absentee father. I know Da Da is the same sort of unintentional babble as Ma Ma, Ba Ba, Ga Ga, or whatever the new sound of the day or week is. I know that in saying Da Da she was simply demonstrating that she has added another consonant to her repetoire, one that she will need later on in life to say Dog, or Dream, or....some other D word.

But still.

Da Da.

Gulp.

Gemma's biological father has never been a part of her life, and I am 99.9% certain that he will never be. The thing of it is, I don't even think of his not being there, or at least not often. On the rare occasion that it does come to mind, it barely elicits any emotion at all. Because it has always been, it just is. Does that even make sense?

And so far, it hasn't been that bad. She hasn't really asked any tough questions yet. But hearing the big news. Of her new "word". It really brings to light for me that this is something that I am going to have to deal with. Eventually. Maybe not today, and maybe not for a few years, but a child can't go around fatherless and not notice. Not care. And while I feel no emotion towards him, or even about him, I am sure that Gemma will have strong emotions, at least about the idea of him.

No matter what I do, who I become, regardless of my accomplishments...I will never be able to give Gemma her father. I am so profoudly sorry to her for that. I really, really am.

No matter what I do, where we go in life, how I raise her to be...The time is going to come where she realizes that he doesn't care.

No matter what, the only thing I can do is to keep on not thinking about it, until the next time that it hits me like a ton of bricks.

Da Da.

Gulp.

Random Tuesday Thoughts

So, I had something in mind to post for today. It was deep and thoughtful and I really wanted to get it out, but I am actually being expected to work while I'm at...well, work this evening, so I guess I will save it for another day. For tonight, I thought it would be much easier to participate in Random Tuesday Thoughts via The Un Mom, instead. (added later: somehow this post still took a ridiculously long time.)

• So, I'm not going deep and thoughtful today, but this girl did. And I loved it. Please read this post.
• For some reason, I keep contemplating writing a post about pooping at work, but then I remind myself, that I don't even like to talk about poop, much less blog about poop. Also, I am pretty sure it has been blogged about before, as there are many other bloggers who have posted on all things poop. So why do I keep contemplating a post about poop?
• I lost an entire can of formula this morning. What the frick? I couldn't find it. I searched the entire house. I had to go to my mom's house to get the can I keep up there.
• Yesterday, when I dropped Gemma off at the sitter's, I brought her diaper bag in and somehow, without noticing it, I brought it back out to the car and sat it in the passenger seat, where I didn't notice it until I pulled into work. A full 20 minutes away from the babysitter's house. Being the awesome mom that I am, I decided that if the sitter needed anything in there that she would call me, so I just headed into work. She didn't call. (b.t.w. I keep stuff like formula and diapers and wipes and all the other must-have items at the sitters. Basically, the most important thing that she was without was a change of clothes. Still, not my proudest moment.) And again, what the frick?
• I feel fat, so I started a blog here. I am not linking so that you will read it, only so that if/when you discover it, you don't hate me for cheating on you. I thought the blog would be good motivation to lose some weight, but I am not even motivated to write on that blog. Lame.
• Tuesday might be my favorite day of the week, solely because it is the best t.v. day. Tonight, I am DVR-ing American Idol, Glee, The Parenthood, 19 Kids and Counting, and 16 and Pregnant. Please don't judge me ;)
• I had Gemma in a silly Facebook contest to win a free photoshoot. She lost. Darn it.
• I work in the boonies, so there is nothing very little in the way of streetlights, which of course means high beams are necessary. What isn't necessary, is inconsiderate jerks who leave their high beams on and blind me every 30 seconds on my way home from work. Have I mentioned, jerks?!?!
• Ooo, I forgot to mention this before, but this weekend I reached 50 followers! I am super excited. I mean, I know it doesn't matter and all of that but still...It made me happy.

Well, there's that (wow, what a clever way to end this post.) See you later homies!

Swing into Spring

This weekend was a a good one. My sister came home from college so that we (along with my mom's girlfriend,) could participate in the walk for the March of Dimes.

The walk was Saturday morning. They said to be there at 8:00 p.m., so true to my nature, I was there at 8:00. We were definitely among the first to arrive, but it was warm and sunny, and I almost forgot that it was morning (the free doughnuts and coffee probably helped.)

The walk was short and sweet, 3 miles, the worst of which was a particularly steep hill. No biggie.

We finished, at Papa John's pizza, and went on our way. We didn't stay for the awards, partially because we didn't raise very much money, and partially because there was a lot we wanted to get done that day.

We left the park, where the walk began and ended, and went to drop my mom's girlfriend off, and pick up Gemma and my little sister Abby (who is 2 and a half).

After picking them up my younger sister Kait (who is 20), had to go to the flea market, go buy a birthday present, and attend a birthday party for my babysitter's twin granddaughter's who were turning three.

The birthday party was actually at the same park, the very same pavillion even, that the March of Dimes walk had started at in the morning. That is small (ish) town livin' for you, I guess.

Here is another picture of Gemma on the swing. She loved it! My sister Kait took the picture though, as I was somewhere chasing down Abby, who was a little but overly excited. If you look behind Gemma, to the left of her head, you can kind of see the birthday party.

When it was time for cake and presents, we tried to wrangle little Abby back to picnic shelter. She wasn't having it AT ALL, so we called it a day, and left the park to bring her home. Well, to be honest, we carried her kicking and screaming out of the park, while hoping to go as unnoticed as possible by the rest of the park-goers. This kid was screaming , and saying thing like "Oh my God, I just want to slide," and "I don't want no party,"...

Mama's of toddlers, I applaud you. She wore me out.

The rest of the weekend was simple. We watched movies (Ghosts of Girlfriends Past and Gran Turino), cooked out on the grill (sliders), and Gemma and I even took a nice long nap together.

*big dramatic sigh* Oh, Spring...How I love thee.

And Oh, Abby. Oh, Abby.

Bonus Picture:

Gemma was napping in the shopping cart while we were birthday present shopping (sometimes it is easier than using the stroller if she is sleeping, and I only have a few things to get.) 

I was easily ammused by the ovbivous, baby-in-jail  effect of this picture. Someone call the mushy gushy police A.S.A.P!

So, how was your weekend?

Vote for Gemma

Will you please vote for Gemma for this photography contest on facebook? You have to become a fan first, and then just type "vote" or whatever, right underneath the photo.

Thanks y'all!

http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=112663&id=104998766200707

fill in the blank friday

fill in the blank friday at the little things we do...

Check it ;)

1. The strangest thing I've ever eaten was...

Hmm? Umm....Well...I can't remember. Goat maybe? That isn't particularly exciting. I can do better than that. Can I pass on this one?

2. My best friend is...

This is kind of cheesy, but my best friend is myself. The social isolation (sounds more dramatic than what it is) of this past year has forced me to learn to be with myself. Before, I was always running away from it or even drinking myself away from it. I was constantly surrounded by other people, and I didn't know how to be by myself, and I didn't really like myself. That really has changed though!

3. If I could live in a different era it would be the ____ because...

70's, but only because I think it would be neat to gain perspective on my parents childhood.

4. I like...

To laugh! More than anything else. I love funny people, and have an ecclectic sense of humor. But most of the time television and movies don't make me lol. Strange, right?

5. If you only know one thing about me it should be that ...

I am capable.

6. My favorite book of all time is ...

Little Women. Although, 95% of that is Nostalgia talking...

7. The one beauty product I couldn't live without is...

Is a flat iron a beauty product? If so, that. I have natural waves, but they are not cute at all. If a flat iron doesn't count, then mascara. What a difference a little mascara makes! I actually look...awake!

8. Blogging is ...

Something I enjoy. A semi "secret" from those I know in real life. A virtual baby book. A social outlet. A sounding board. A community of communities. Not as lame as I would have previously imagined. Addictive.

9. If I could star in a movie with any actor/actress I would want to work ...

Hmm...I am going to avoid going the man candy angle (Taye Diggs! Adrian Greneir! Richard Gere! (?) ) and say... Kate Hudson. Or Drew Barrymore. Cuz I think we would be instant BFF's. Seriously.

10. One of the best feelings in the world is ...

Can I say laughter again? That is kind of cheating, right? I would say, having an actual need met. Like drinking a glass of cold water when you are thirsssty. Or putting on a jacket when you are collld. Or finding a bathroom when you have really got to gooo. That first little burst of relief is so satisfying.

So, I hope you enjoyed fill in the blank friday and I hope you have an amazing weekend (I am off of work, and have good plans, so I am sure I will!)

At Work

I'm at work.

And I miss my baby.

Even though when I am home I am all, "Can you hang out in the excersaucer for like 5 minutes while I do these dishes?", and "Sleep, baby, sleep!"

Seriously though, I miss her a lot.

Like my heart hurts, as I type this.

I dropped her off at 4:40 p.m. and I will pick her up at 9:15 p.m. 4 hours and 35 minutes.

Working motherhood is tough.

Treasure Them or Revelations at Target

I was in Target (a.k.a. my sanctuary) changing Gemma's diaper (a slight disturbance of my tranquility) and a woman who was washing her hands looked over at us and smiled.

"I remember those days,"

Now, anyone with a child, especially a baby, hears these comments from time to time, maybe even frequently. I smiled and turned my head about to say something pointless and impersonal in response when she added,

"..and now I am sending candy to my boys overseas. You've really got to treasure them while you can."

And then, I pointlessly and impersonally responded, "it goes so fast," and smiled with my head tilted towards the floor, just barely making eye contact.

Now, if you know me, you know that I hate really do not like commenting on how fast the time is going. Partially because, time is just time, and I know this. It doesn't flow fast or flow slow, and that it is all about our perception. I like to percieve that time is on my side.

Mostly though, I do not like talk of such things because I am so afraid it might be true.


That was the first deep conversation I had with myself while perusing the dollar section and enjoying my soft pretzel, but for some reason, this woman and our short conversation were still in my thoughts.

I was also thinking about how she said, "...and now I am sending candy to my boys overseas."

Now, I am not sure if I am correct or not in my assumption, but something in this woman's tone tells me that I may have been spot on in assuming she was telling me that her babies are in a war zone.

I must admit, that I am not a fan of this war (to put it lightly). And to be completely honest, I haven't always had a lot of sympathy for those who serve. I have always thought of it as a choice that these men and women make, and I never really got the argument that it was indeed a sacrifice.

Until today.

Now, I am still not a fan of this war (and that is still putting it lightly)...

But.

The thought of that mother. With her babies. Overseas.

It makes my heart skip, just a little. Especially as I look down. At my baby. In my arms.

And I realize, that there is no way these men and women look at is as just a job. No way.

The stakes are too high.

Motherhood continues to open my eyes (and my heart) everyday.

My conversation today, was a  big reminder to treasure it (motherhood), treasure them (those that serve), and treasure her (my little Gem.)

Because really...

it goes so fast

P.S. Thank you so much for your March of Dimes donation. If anyone else would still like to donate, you can still do so up until the walk this Saturday.

P.P.S. Easter was celebrated (and enjoyed) by Gemma and I, but I have been a major picture uploading slacker so far this week, so hopefully, I will have something up by next Easter. Hopefully.

Happy Easter!

Dear So and So...

Because I am a Meme lovin' fool lately, I have decided to participate in Dear So and So, at the 3 Bedroom Bungalow.

Dear Easter Bunny,

You shouldn't have told us you were going to take a 10 minute break, and then take 30 minutes to return. I can imagine bathroom trips are kinda complicated in a bunny suit, but so is standing in line with a bunch of whiny kids, at lunchtime, while trying to hold onto a squirmy 7 month old. Sheesh.

Love,
Kacie

Dear Pregnant Women Everywhere,

Maternity photos are gross. I am sorry that I have held this one in for so long, but seriously...Who wants to see  fully gestated women in maternity jeans and nursing bras?  Not I! (even in black and white)

Sincerely,
Kacie

Dear Kacie,

Please go shopping for clothes for yourself sometime soon. You kind of look homeless, and soon people are going to start thinking that you stole that pretty, little, well-dressed baby that you carry around.

Seriously,
Kacie

Dear Candy Bowl,

Stop tempting me. It isn't fair that I have to stare at you for 4 hours a night. I just.can't.control.myself.

You're a Jerk,
Kacie

Dear Blog Friends,

Have a happy Easter weekend!

Hugs!,

Kacie

If I Posted Today...

would you take me seriously, anyway?