41 Days Until Baby

I still don't know if I feel completely recovered from my baby shower yesterday. The day was sooo overwhelming!

The night before the shower felt somewhat like the night before Christmas when you are a kid. That jittery anxious feeling, when you lay there in bed and just sort of day (night?) dream about the next day and you can't sleep but you really want to so that it is the next day soon.

I woke up super early the morning of the shower and made myself go back to sleep. I had talked to my mom and she told me to come up around 2 even though the shower was being held at 4, I guess just to hang out and so that I was there in case people showed up early.

That turned out to not really be the case. A few people were really early, but most of my family and stuff was there by about 4:15. My friends on the other hand mostly showed up between 5 and 6. I felt bad, like I was holding up the people who showed earlier, but they all ate and most seemed happy.

I can't believe that I wasted time before hand worrying about whether or not my friends would show. About 12 of my college friends actually showed, which may not seem like a lot, but most of there drives were between 2 1/2 -4 1/2 hours... I felt really blessed that so many came to see me! In all I think there were around 40 people there!

Needless to say I got a LOT of stuff. It is interesting to see the things that people buy and the things that people don't buy. Some of it is so random. For example, I got 3 bouncy seats. They are all really cute but I just think it is crazy that 3 people thought of the same gift (even thought they are all different patterns!) I got lots of certain things and I am not sure if I will use them all but my family insists I will. For example, I already had 14 bibs (hand me downs from my lil sis and a couple that I had gotten before) and I got like 12 more at the shower. My family swears I need them but really TWENTY SIX BIBS???

The list of things I still need for baby is small and I am sure I will be able to find a way to get it all together (maybe by returning a few bouncers ;) )

People started leaving the shower around 7:30, after the presents had been opened, and I think the last guests left around 8:45 or 9:00. I seriously sat in the living room with my family and cried. It had been so good to see my friends but I wish I could have had a full day with each of them! It makes me sad to think how long it will be until I see them again and even sadder to realize that they most likely will never be part of my daily life again. I love my friends and I loved college and I MISS THEM AND IT SO MUCH IT HURTS!!!

I was also stressed because I was hoping I hadn't ignored other guests and the day just sort of was one big blur. I almost feel like it didn't happen because there is this enormous build up and then in the blink of an eye its over.

So of course the evening and day after are filled with that after Christmas feeling. I am not sure if it is universal as well, or it is just something that I experience as I have begun to notice I am slightly prone to melancholy. It's like this strange emptiness in the pit of your stomach and odd anxious feeling. I can't really describe it, but I hate it. It wasn't too severe this time. I have been working trying to stay a little calmer and more positive and it is helping.

Staying busy is really when I am at my best. I have an insanely over active (and occasionally self destructive mind) and I have to keep it engaged. If not I end up mopey and thinking about strange things like I have mentioned in other posts.

I wish I had more to say about the shower. Like I said before though it almost feels unreal.

Most importantly though I truly feel loved and blessed to have the people in my life that I do.

I am incredibly lucky and I think this baby will be lucky to have all of these amazing people in her life who already love her too. Letting go of some of these people, in the sense of having our relationships change, has been so hard but I know that this baby will help make that easier for me.

Switching gears (now that I have proven again to my usual emotional mess), I think in honor of the 34 week milestone (I am not sure if it really is important, but it feels like it to me) I am going to post the update survey!

• How far along?: 34 weeks

• Total weight gain: Somewhere between 20-25 pounds

• How big is baby?: Baby center says 4 and 3/4 or the size of a cantelope.

• Maternity clothes?: My medium sized pre-preg baggy t-shirts officially no longer fit! They cling to my tummy and then hang straight down at the bottom. Not a good look. I bought a new shirt for the baby shower and another extra large juniors t-shirt. I might need another pair of pants soon, but I have been holding out.

• Stretch marks?: Yes! On the left side of my belly, below where the belly button is. There is a strip of them. Could be worse but definitely could be better.

• Sleep?: Not the best. I am up about 3 times a night. Sometimes I wake up and can't get back to sleep. It's tough.

• Best moment this week?: Seeing everyone for my baby shower. Specifically, when my friends got really excited and took pictures sitting on the riding lawn mower because they hadn't really seen one before! They thought sitting on the "tractor" was really funny and were doing silly poses and such.

• Movement?: I actually had to be monitored once this week because she had a really lazy 3 days! Since then she has been moving quite a bit though.

• Food cravings?: None really. The heartburn is so bad it makes me not want to eat!
• Labor signs?: None really.

• Belly button in or out?: Kind of...flat.

• What I miss: Good sleep. Normal Dreams. Sitting up without groaning!

• What I'm looking forward to: Possible another (final!) ultrasound at my appointment this Wednesday. Finally getting her room together and making a space for her in my life.
• Milestone: The Baby Shower!

-41 Days Until Baby