Saturday, October 10, 2009

Warning: The Following Post May Contain Excessive Whining

It seems like it has been a while since I have posted about daily life and basically that is because my daily life...kind of sucks right now. Lately, Gemma is either eating, sleeping, or fussing... I am completely drained. She isn't out for the night until at least midnight or so and we are back up for good by 7:30, which wouldn't be so bad if I wasn't usually up for about an hour in the middle there. Or if she wasn't such a grump during the day.

In fairness to my Gigi, it isn't her fault she is a grump. Unfortunately, I am thinking it is tummy troubles and at this point I have no idea about how I can make it better. I am worried I am actually making them worse. I have mentioned before how she has had issues with Reflux. We have gotten her on a medication that has improved the Reflux issues SO much but as I said she has gotten so grumpy lately and this has coincided with the medicine. The doctor said it could be the medicine causing her stomach pain. She has reduced the dose twice and at this most recent dose I am noticing Reflux symptoms again and she still seems fussy.

So what do I do? Take her off of the medicine? She couldn't rest with the Reflux because as soon as I laid her down she spit up. It was a mess. Now I can lay her down and she is sleeping better but when she is awake she seems so sad!

I don't want to be causing her pain. I am guessing I will be calling the doctor again on Monday. Maybe I need to get a second opinion?!?!

Other than that...

I have been kind of, sort of looking for a job but also trying to really focus on Gemma and appreciate her at this age so my search has been kind of a lazy one. Honestly though, I am not seeing many jobs at all when I do find time to look. I am starting to worry because I DESPERATELY need some income. I have been completely broke for a while now and I am not used to living like this. My family has never been well off so I have made it a point to always work, from the time I was 15, to make sure I could afford what I need.

Luckily, I have been resourceful enough to meet all of Gemma's needs but I am not sure how I am going to be able to afford warm shoes for the winter (I literally have been wearing the same pair of Old Navy flip flops pretty much everyday since May) or how to get my haircut (which may not be a need but I have never not known how to afford a haircut before.

I still talk to my friends but lately I feel more isolated than ever. I was home alone for most of the week as it seemed everyone had work trips or vacations planned at the same time. The distance between my friends and I seems to be getting more pronounced as time passes. Of course there are the friends I can always talk to but my life seems worlds away. The fact that I haven't see some of them since May or most of them since July and then on top of that the fact I have NO friends here... it really just sucks.

I have found a local playgroup but I am having a hard time getting out with Gemma to have that first meeting. On two separate occasions I have planned on going to events they have held and the morning of I couldn't get it together. Getting us both dressed, presentable, fed, happy and out the door just seems like an insurmountable challenge sometimes. I wouldn't think it would be so bad because I am usually able to get everything done when I need to go to the store or the library or whatever but when it comes to this it might be harder because I am more anxious?

As cheesy as it is to say this, the whole "One step forward and two steps back," thing is making a lot of sense to me right now...


  1. It will get better, but I know it's not easy. Whine all you want too!!

  2. Aw, sweetie! I totally understand the friend situation. My besties had to come talk to me because they were feeling the distance. It was not like I was trying to cut them off or anything, but becoming a mother is not just another task on the "to do" list. They had to realize that I am still adjusting and can't just pop up and go like I use to. But it will get better. I am still struggling with balancing it all but it has definitely gotten better compared to when I first brought Zakiah home in June!

    Gosh, it seems like I could have written your post. I know your feeling!