Thursday, October 28, 2010

I Would Rather Be Sleeping...

Than doing pretty much anything else right now. But alas, I am working.

I am still not feeling particularly chatty, but the only way to get back into the habit of blogging is to do it, right?

My dad leaves for work around 4:30 a.m., and for some reason I woke up around the time he was leaving and I have been up since then. I know some people can do totally well with 5 hours of sleep but my friends, I am not one of them. I am a girl who does best with 7-8 hours no more or no less. I am pretty particular (in a spectacularly average way) about that I guess.

Today I had an appointment with my therapist. I am really hopeful that she will help me sort through all of the crazy that is floating around in my brain. I like to talk about myself, so it is actually kind of enjoyable for me.

I am still not working on grad school apps the way I should. This weekend. I am promising blog land, and more importantly myself.

I think I might wrap up. Sorry. I know this post probably wasn't very useful or entertaining, but I've got to warm the ol' engine up ya know :)

Take care y'all!

Monday, October 25, 2010

All Over

I'm at work. I am here for another hour still, and I thought that I had exhausted all of my internet/time-wasting options and then I remembered I had a blog.


Things have been going okay for me. I have been taking medication for my anxiety for about 2 weeks now, and last week I began seeing a therapist. Is therapist the right word? Technically, she is a clinical social worker. Her office is in an old Victorian house, and I have to drive up a mountain to get there. The place is about an hour away, which means I am going to have to juggle childcare for 4 hours once a week. Not easy, but doable I guess.

In less crazy news, I am pretty excited for Halloween! I work over the weekend but luckily Halloween is a nighttime holiday anyway. Gemma's costume *quacks* me up (hint hint). I was hoping she would be confidently walking, but it looks like she isn't quite there yet, although we are seeing more and more steps each day.

Woo Hoo to that!

Work is work. Grad school applications seem harder than I anticipated. I think the academic part of my brain has already begun to atrophy. I am having a hard time figuring out how to approach the essay questions, which is totally NOT like me. I am used to having too much to say with those kinds of prompts. Hopefully it will come to me. If not, I am gonna have to go after it I guess.

Hmm...maybe that would be better use of my free computer time?


How've you guys been? I miss my blogging buddies :)

Wednesday, October 13, 2010


Things have once again fallen a little silent here.


I have been so stuck inside my head lately, and there hasn't been much reflection that has made it out. Plus, my camera is broke too, so there hasn't even really been the option of a few cute pics slapped up with a couple of captions. I hope this explains my silence, at least a little bit.

I was always an anxious kid growing up. I remember going to bed at night, waiting for the world to end. My grandma used to bring me with her to a church and the end of the world was brought up weekly. Where our fellow churchgoers actually seemed excited about the prospect, I was absolutely TERRIFIED. Sounds of trains, or planes, or even dogs barking at night would cause my body to tense up and my breath to catch...each time I would wonder, is this it? I remember calculating that if the world would end in 2000, then I would live to 13... These thoughts began to consume me. I thought about the end of the world so often that it made it into my dreams. The thoughts would get so overwhelming that I would upset myself to the point of vomiting on a somewhat regular basis. I was referred to specialists for my stomach and I had to speak with a counselor at school regarding my "worrying."

Recently, the worry has come back. I am no longer convinced that the world is going to end, but there are thoughts that make me just as upset that have been churning around in my brain lately. Most people think unhappy thoughts and then are able to let them go, but for me, the thoughts get stuck and even grow and grow into something much bigger and much more consuming. The coping mechanism that is supposed to step in and quiet those fears simply is broken in me. I can't do it.

So, I reached out for help.I have been given medicine that will hopefully get me back on track.

I have OCD.

Sometimes, it makes me anxious.