Fall

I have crossed yet another motherhood milestone off of my list, and to be honest, it was one that I was hoping to avoid.

We had our first accident.

Gemma is okay, thank God, but she was in pain and it is kinda my fault, so of course I feel terrible.

So, since I took my LSAT in December, Gemma and I have been co-sleeping. I wouldn't describe the situation as ideal, but I certainly haven't hated the situation. She gets plenty of sleep, I get plenty of sleep, and the snuggles are kind of nice.

Do you have any idea where this is going yet?

Like, I was saying, we have been co-sleeping because it works for us, but somehow, Gemma fell out of bed, the night before last, face first, on to the hardwood floor. I was half asleep when it happened and I jumped out of bed to soothe my crying baby. I picked her  up, and rocked her, and after a few minutes of crying she calmed down.

On careful inspection she seemed fine (...and she was, I think that sentence may sound like she wasn't.). I was still terribly nervous about the entire situation so I stayed up and watched her sleep, and built a fortress of pillows around us, and I held her tight.

Eventually, we fell back asleep, but as soon as I woke up I KNEW something has to be done.I don't want anything like that to ever happen to my baby again.

Have I mentioned I feel awful?

I took my mattress of the frame last night, and I am going to start to transition her into a crib tomorrow night (Friday is easier, because my dad doesn't have to work the next day, and his room is right across from ours).

Any tips? I already know that I am uncomfortable with a "strict" Cry-It-Out regimen, but I realize there will probably be tears involved, no matter what I do.

Have you tried anything that works? I am open to any and all suggestions right now.

I am really anxious to begin this whole process. In the past, it has felt impossible, but now that I know in order to keep her safe, it must be done.

But how? Can she do it? Am I being mean? Where do I start? How long will it take?

Like I said, parenting milestones I would have hoped to avoid...

Three Things Tuesday

I have been thinking lately...

I love myself...who I REALLY am...

But there are a lot of things (mostly, but not all, are pretty superficial) that I am totally unhappy with.

Like everyone else right? I know I am not unique in that. I also know I am not unique when I think, "One day I will...", but then don't. Ever.

So, I have decided, instead of a list of goals a million miles long, every Tuesday I will post 3 things I will do or work on doing in the next week. I don't want to over complicate it, and make it too hard on myself, or too overwhelming, so it really is gonna be that simple.

3 goals. They can relate to anything. I will post on Tuesday.

Starting next Tuesday, I will also post a small update on how the 3 goals went and make 3 new ones.

Hopefully this will allow for some goal setting and frequent accountability.

For this week, my 3 things are...

1. I will not drink any soda .
2. I will clean my room.
3. I will give myself a manicure and pedicure.

Check back next week to see how I did :)

And check back tomorrow to hear all about my return to the gym and Gemma's 6 month appointment (riveting stuff, I promise!)

Best,

Kacie

P.S. Yes, I realize Three Things Thursday would sound MUCH better but...I don't wanna wait until Thursday, and I could drop the whole Three Things bit, but doesn't EVERY respectable blogger need some sort of an alliterative day?

Top 2 Tuesday

 

 

You may or may not know this about me, but I LOVE a good baby name... I love thinking about how a name will grow with a child, how the name will introduce them into the world, and how it would feel to be someone named...

So when I was browsing blogs and found this blog hop from The Undomestic Mama, I had to join in. The girl names are easy for me, while I have to think harder with the boys. I came up with the PERFECT boys name the other day, but I have totally forgotten it already.

Darn it. 

So as of this very moment, my top two names for each gender:

Girl Names 

Isla Kate

Honor Elizabeth 

Boy Names

Asher 

Oscar

Hmm...so maybe I am not for sure on the boys names, but those are two I like for sure. 

But maybe not love.

Oh well, I PROMISE there will be plenty of time before I have to worry about choosing any more baby names, boy or girl!

So my friends...what are your favorite names?

I Love You But...

Have you ever noticed that when a mom has something not so nice to say about her little one, they almost alway preface their statement with I love you but...

This gets to me, because obviously, any  person would not be happy that their toddler has NEVER slept through the night or that their little one with newfound teeth (like somebody I know) likes to chomp on their face (and the face of others) whenever they get the chance. (Again, like somebody I know) And while these annoyances are...well, annoying... nobody is going to think for a second that talking about how annoyed you are affects the love you have for your child. So, I love (him/her/them/you) buts...are pointless.

But...

I do it too.

Because, I mean, I don't want anyone to think I don't love my kid and stuff.

So even thought I do not love I love you buts...

Here are a few I have for this girl:

(Who isn't wearing pants.)

(Again, Obviously.)

Gemma, I love you but...

• Please stop trying to eat your dirty diaper while I am putting the new one on. Eww. It's gross.
• Please take your hands out of your mouth while I am feeding you. Sticky icky baby food, mixed with slobber and then stuck in between teen tiny baby fingers, is...gross.
• While we are on the subject of eating, will you please just let me handle the spoon? I've got it, I promise!
• Please play with one of the random 900 toys that belongs to you that is scattered throughout the house instead of random (and potentially dangerous) items, such as laptop cords, coat hangers, and plastic bags. (Now I know why plastic bags come with that warning.)
• Please stop biting mommy in the face. Pre-tooth, it was kinda funny, now...it is is kinda painful.

 The moral of this story  blogpost, is to watch what goes in your mouth. Please. And a quick cheat sheet, in case you forget.

Diapers (In Your Mouth) = Ewww

Food + Hands (In Your Mouth) = Double Eww

(Please Let Mama Use the Spoon)

Laptop Cords or Coat Hangers or Plastic Bags (Im Your Mouth) =Dangerous

Mama's Face (In Your Mouth)=Ouch

Hope that Helps.

Love (with no buts...),

Mama

Unfollowed

To the person who recently decided to quit following me...

BOO! (not a surprise boo, but a bratty and indignant boo)

Not that you are reading.

03/03/10

Today was a good day.

I cleaned the kitchen.
I washed laundry.
I baked cookies.

And still, I managed to feel connected to my baby. I was able to cuddle her, and love her, and drink her in. Even when she wasn't in my arms I was able to feel present with her in a way that I usually don't when I am busy.

I felt like we were together.

Am I making any sense?

Part of the trials of being a single mom is that you don't get  much time to just be with your child. Even in the same room there can be a disconnect. Actually, I find this to be true of most mothers, but I do think that it can be even harder  for single moms because there never someone else to fold the clothes, to the wash dishes, to run to the store...Of course sometimes you get lucky and someone is willing to help, but at end of the day the responsibility is yours and yours alone.


And as much as it doesn't sound like it right now, I am okay with that. I am okay with doing it myself. Choices that I made played a roll in me getting to where I am in life and I own those choices. And I am happy about my choices.

I love my choice more than I ever thought I would.

But...

So often, I find myself putting Gemma in the excersaucer while I do the wash, or lay her in her crib while I get ready for work, and don't even get me started on leaving her at the babysitter. Beyond the physical busyness, my head is constantly swirling with thoughts and emotions and what was and what is next.  I spend as much time as I can with her, and I really try to be present, but still it doesn't feel like enough.

My heart hurts.

But today. Today was different. I got things done but in a way where I felt comfortable. I felt like we were doing it together.

I am not sure what was different, and I don't think I did the best job of explaining it here. But it was nice.

Really nice.

And I hope it was a sign of things to come...

Happy 6 Months (and two days) Gemma!

So it is time again to celebrate another month birthday with my Gemma Bean.

She is pretty excited about it, can't you tell?

(Can you also tell that I was too lazy to completely clear off my messy bed before snapping her pictures?!?)

                                      

February has been an awfully big month for us. I started working which means you started spending many hours a week at a babysitter (and not with me). It hasn't been a fun adjustment to make, but after a few weeks and a multiple sitters I think we have found a situation that works for us both.

                                      

Not only did you start with a babysitter this month, but you also started eating solid food. You have had oatmeal, avocado, peas, green beans, sweet potato, and squash (in that order), so far, and you have enjoyed everything except the avocado. When I feed you, you get anxious for the next bite and kick and hum, and it is sweet and funny and crazy all at the same time. (That is kind of how I would describe you in general!)

                                    

In other big news, you are really showing off your rolling skills a lot more. You move like a wild woman and lunge at everything around you, as is evident by your pictures this month.

You also have had your first tooth cut through. I can feel its sharpness (especially when you attack my hands and face, as you do daily), but I can't quite see it yet. I am in no rush. I can't believe there are teeth already.

                                   

Sleep doesn't really seem like an issue anymore. We still sleep together and I am okay with that. You don't wake much in the night, except for sometimes, if I am awake and tossing and turning. You take short naps during the day, and I have just come to expect/accept this of you.

We haven't been to your 6 month appointment yet, so I have no idea what you weigh. You are definitely getting bigger and looonger. You still have a couple tiny onesies floating around but I am starting to put you in mostly 6-9 months clothing and it fits well. Some of what you wear is 3-6 months, but I doubt that lasts longer. I love seeing you grow up and I am always excited for the stage that we are in, but for some reason it is putting away the clothes that gets me all sentimental.

Your diapers are still size 2.

Your bald patch has began to fill out a little and your  hair is getting longer and it is very wispy. It is especially long on the top. I am not quite sure what color it is. Your eyes are strange too, mostly brown but not completely still. Very mysterious looking ;)

You are a happy, loving, silly, smushy, loud, funny, adorable, cuddly, baby and I am loving getting to know you more and more each month. I love you in a way that words could never do justice and I will forever be lucky to have you in my life.

                                

Thanks for choosing me,

Mama