# 6 Stop trying to hold onto the past.

In my last post I posted a list of things one should stop doing to themselves. Number 6 on that list was, "Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one." This stood out for me as I have been playing the shoulda, coulda, woulda game with myself lately and at the same time feeling like I am so ready to move on.

In order to move on the shoulda, coulda, wouldas have to stop.

I did what I thought was best.

And here I am.

And that is okay.

I guess I should back up a bit, and explain why this has been on my mind so much.

It was this time three years ago that I found out that I pregnant.

By someone I didn't love.

By someone I didn't really know.

I didn't want to be pregnant.

Especially not by him. 

I wasn't going to tell anyone.

I wasn't going to have a baby.

I made plans.

But I couldn't...

I couldn't not have that baby. 

I love Gemma, with everything I am.

Really.

But I still wonder...

Shoulda, coulda, woulda.

I should have never "been with him."

I could have "ended it."

I would have done things differently if only I knew how they would play out...

I made choices though.

I slept with him, didn't show up to the abortion I scheduled, I did what I did and there is no looking back...

It feels good to get that all out.

I just need to get it all out and move away from it.

Stop worrying about my past mistakes and focus on my future successes.

I need to let the past go.

For Myself.

For Gemma.

For Real.